Every month someone had to take the responsibility for safety at the Autumn Years Rest Home. This month, it was Wolf’s turn.
Since it was snowing, and no one was going outside, she decided to hold a safety meeting. “Come on everyone. Safety Meeting!”
“Geez, here we go again. Now what the hell is this idiot preaching about?”
“Shhhh. If she hears you, she will beat the crap out of you.”
“All right. No whispering. I want all of you to pay attention. This is serious business.”
“First of all, if you decide to cook, you will need to have another adult present. We do not cook alone.”
“Another adult? Are there kids here too?”
“That is not funny, Frank. If you recall, you blew up the microwave when you tried to heat up that pizza, and left it in aluminum foil. From now on, no foil in the microwave.”
“What difference does it make now? The damn thing is broken.”
“And no more popcorn in the toaster. The toaster is well…well… toast.”
“Who did that?”
Silence.
“George? Would you like to share your experience with the popcorn in the toaster?”
“Yeah, ok. I wanted popcorn and couldn’t nuke it, since that moron Frank blew up the microwave, so I improvised and put the bag in the toaster.”
“Wow. Did it work? I could go for some popcorn?”
“Quiet down. No, it didn’t work. And the cook is still picking up burned kernels all over the kitchen.”
“OK, so we won’t use the toaster or the microwave. Is this meeting over?”
“No, I want everyone to promise to walk quietly through the halls. No running or skipping.”
“Since when could any of us run or skip? Are you nuts?”
“The main cause of inside accidents is due to falls. And running or skipping will not be tolerated.”
“No problem, sista. We couldn’t run or skip if we tried.”
“Now, does anyone have any suggestions?”
“About what?”
“Safety, you nincompoop. Safety.”
“Yeah, I have one.”
“Go ahead Minnie.”
“I think you should start wearing your helmet more often.”
“What?”
“You must have skipped through the hall without it, had one of those inside falls, and suffered permanent brain damage.”
Meeting adjourned.
