“How was your day Wolf?”
“Why?”
“Just asking, you idiot. Did you have a nice day at work?”
“No. I had a crappy day, Minnie. How was yours?”
“Don’t change the subject, tell me. What happened?”
“All right. I will tell you. I got to work at the usual time, clocked in, did my usual song and dance. Said hello to everyone, checked my reports, picked up the orders, and was hungry as a bear. So I ate an apple turnover, 14 oreos and a tuna sandwich at 9 am, and threw up.”
“Whoa! How awful!”
“That was just the beginning. I ran to the bathroom, and there was a sign on the door: OUT OF ORDER.”
“Yikes!”
“Yup, and then I noticed the stream of people leaving the building. They had to pp and were bursting at the seams, so they left in a huff, holding their hind ends.”
“So did you leave?”
“No. I decided to stay the course. I had a bladder that was raging and a stomach that was bulging, and my pants decided to give up the ghost. The snap that was holding up my pants, snapped.”
“Did your pants fall off?”
“No, worse. My other undergarment gave way, and my boobs were flopping around.”
“I can’t believe you stayed at work.”
“Oh hell, no one noticed. I just sat at my desk and ate a bag of chips.”
“Wow! You did have a crappy day.”
“Oh that is only the beginning. I had to attend a meeting. So I walked in, with pants falling, boobs flopping and stomach bulging, and somehow managed to flash a big smile. Only problem was that the oreo crumbs had lodged in my front teeth. I was a fright.”
“Did someone tell you?”
“No, several people were pointing at their mouths, and a few tried to whisper to me, but, as you know, I can’t hear worth a damn. So I pretended to hear what they were saying and nodded my head and smiled.”
“Can’t you get a hearing aid, Wolf?”
“Hell no. I don’t want to hear what most of them say, anyway. So, I smiled away and a few people looked like they were getting sick, so I excused myself and said I had to go to the ladies room. Luckily the bathrooms were working again, so I took a look in the mirror and damn near fainted. I was bloated up like a blimp, boobs hanging to my knees, and teeth full of oreo remnants.”
“Not a good day, eh?”
“Wait. You haven’t heard the rest.”
“Huh?”
“I was in the handicapped bathroom, and forgot to lock the door, and the cleaning lady walked in and screamed.”
“Oh no.”
“All the managers rushed in to see what the problem was, and told the cleaning lady that they had never witnessed anything like this ever before. And they promised her if she would only stay on, they would ban me from the handicapped bathroom.”
“And?”
“She quit.”
Wolf
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