Guess who

“Did you get your costume, Wolf?”

“Yes, I did, Minnie. I am almost ready.”

“What did you decide to be?”

“I am gonna be a classic. Someone we can all relate to.”

“Can we play 20 questions?”

“Well, I guess so. Go ahead.”

“Is it a female?”

“Yes.”

“Someone glamorous?”

“No.”

“A living person?”

“No.”

“Someone who actually lived?”

“No.”

“Oh, someone from the movies?”

“Yes.”

“Is the actor who played this part still alive?”

“No.”

“Did this actress win an academy award?”

“No.”

“Was this a recent movie?”

“No.”

“So, it was an old movie, eh?”

“You are half way to 20 questions with that last moronic question.”

“You can’t count that one. And besides, you didn’t answer it.”

“The answer is yes, pretty old.”

“Ok. Can you give me a hint?”

“No.”

“Was it a Victorian movie?”

“No.”

“Was it a funny movie?”

“No.”

“Ok. Was it a horror movie?”

“Yes.”

“Did it star Bette Davis?”

“No.”

“How many questions do I have left?”

“4.”

“Yikes. Ok. Did this actress play in any other horror movies?”

“Hahahahahah! No.”

“Why not?

“Because she was dead, you idiot.”

“I got it. It was a vampire movie.”

“No.”

“A Frankenstein movie?”

“No, and you have 1 question left.”

“I know who it is! It is Nurse Ratchett!”

“Nope.”

“Ok tell me.”

“Sorry you goof. You will find out on Halloween.”

“Come on Wolf. Don’t be like that.”

“I ain’t telling, Minnie. You will find out……soon. Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

Wolf

Sarah, with no eyes

We get so wound up in our own world, that we don’t really know what it is like to be a child with special needs. That’s me, trying on shoes. Steel toed shoes, for work. Nice ones, at that. Brown and white and light as a steel toed shoe can be. I was hoping they would fit, so I sat down on the little wooden bench and tried them on. That’s when I saw a young woman and a child walking in. I looked at the little girl and could not take my eyes off her eyes. She had no eyes.

I guess you could say they were eyes, but they had no light. No personality. They were not alive. I stared at her and could not stop staring. What was wrong with her eyes? She was laughing and talking to her mother, when she put out her hand to touch me. It was such an unusual hand. It seemed to be the hand of an angel, well formed and yes, they were her eyes.

I put my hand in hers. She said, “Hi. My name is Sarah. What’s yours?” I said, “Hello Sarah. I am Wolf. And you are beautiful.”
Her mother held on to her other hand and said, “Oh, I see what she wants.” I sensed that Sarah wanted to be held. She climbed on my lap and I hugged her. She smiled. And I said, “How old are you, Sarah?” She held out her well developed hand, and held out five fingers.

I said, “Oh, five? How wonderful!” And her mother said, “Yes, she has come a long way in the past three years. We plan to get her into the special Olympics next year.”

I had a lump in my throat as I held onto this precious child. It was an emotional moment for me. I wanted to take this little girl and give her my eyes. I wanted to hold onto her forever, to protect her. Her mother saw my tears and knew what I was feeling. I think Sarah sensed something too, as she climbed off my lap and said, “Good bye Wolf.”

They walked through the store, as I stared at the mother Sarah would never see. I took a long time to try on my shoes. I didn’t really care about those shoes. I only cared about Sarah.

I don’t know if I will ever see her again. But I know she lives and she gives, and she loves. And that is enough for now. My chance meeting with Sarah has had an enormous effect on me. It has changed my outlook and my reason for living. I want to make a difference in her life. Just like she did for me.

Wolf

Do the needful thing

The receptionist had an emergency, and her back-up was off , so I was asked to take all the calls for the facility, and to do my own work as well. The calls were forwarded to my phone. I could not take a break unless I had someone to cover for me. I ate my tuna sandwich, went to the bathroom and was loaded for bear.

The first call came in.

“Hello. This is UPS. I need to talk to Wolf.”

“This is Wolf. Can I help you?”

“Uhm, yes. Hello. How are you today? My name is Obed Samriacireanere. You called about an order that was lost. Could you tell me what was in the order?”

The call took about 4 minutes. The UPS guy was not familiar with the English language and did not understand when I said. “A bunch of Insurance crap.”

When he finally hung up, another call came in.

“Hello. This is Sahib Granivialibeneirehn. I have 25 skids of material I need to deliver. And I have an appointment at 9am tomorrow. Can I come a little later? Like 4pm?”

When Sahib finally realized that he had better show up at 9 and not 4, the next call came in.

“Hello. Who is this? Did you say Wolf? I am trying to reach someone named Wolf. Could this be the Wolf I am trying to reach?”

“Well, partner, this is the only Wolf working here, so, yes, this is she.”

“You called about a UPS package that didn’t deliver…..”

“Wait. Is this Obed?”

“Yes, it is Obed. How did you know that?”

“Oh just a wild guess. Now what Obed?”

“Well, we found your package. What do you want us to do with it?”

“You don’t really want to know that, do you?”

“Excuse me , Miss Wolf. I have a small doubt. What do you mean?”

“Look Obed, just deliver the ^#$^^$^ package. Thank you very much.”

“Oh, OK. Ms Wolf. Thanking you very much, but please do the needful thing and tell me where?”

“Where what?”

“Where to deliver?”

“Obed, Obed Obed. Deliver it to the address on the packing list.”

“But Ms Wolf. The packing list is missing. Where to deliver?”

“To 1774 Universal Ave. In Norfolk VA.”

“17 Seventy fore, University? In Northfork? And did you say VA? Is that the Veterans Administration?”

“Yes, Obed. And you know what? If you can’t find that address, just get rid of that order. Throw it out.”

“Oh no, Ms. Wolf. We will be sure to deliver.”

“Do me a favor, will you Obed? Don’t call me anymore. I don’t give a rat’s ass whether you deliver or not. OK?”

“Oh no, Ms Wolf. You are screwing my happiness. I will have to refer you to my supervisor, Bob Jones.”

“Yeah? Well go ahead. Thanks for all your help. Good bye.”

The next call came in.

“Hello, can you connect me with Ms. Wolf?”

“Who is calling please?”

“Bob Jones.”

“I am so sorry, Mr Jones, but Ms. Wolf has left for the day. As a matter of fact, she has left forever.”

“Oh no. We have a package to deliver. This is very important. Do you have a forwarding number? Or what to do?”

“Well, Mr Jones, this is my advice: Don’t call here anymore. Don’t call for Ms. Wolf. Do not, and I repeat, do not deliver that package. Just forget about it.”

“All right. I will try to call tomorrow. Will Ms Wolf be available then?”

Wolf

Diving

“Wanna go diving tonight, Minnie?”

“Huh?”

“Diving. Dumpster diving. We could help Pat find the books she lost.”

“Huh?”

“She inadvertently threw out her books. And they are somewhere in the dumpster.”

“Uhm, No way. I don’t think so. I am not in any mood to retrieve books from a dumpster.”

“She is paying a good price. If we find those books, we could collect some $$$.”

“How much money?”

“She didn’t say. But hey, let’s do it. What else do we have going on?”

“Well, ok. I guess so.”

Wolf and Minnie put on their old sweats and sneakers and walked to the dumpster. They were appalled at the smell, and they had no idea how to get up and into the dumpster. They got a ladder and proceeded to climb up to the top. They saw bags and bags of garbage. They decided to retrieve the bags one at a time.

“OK. First bag. OMG!! It is full of garbage, Minnie.”

“What did you expect, you moron?”

“Look Minnie. Someone threw out a perfectly good head of lettuce. And a pair of men’s pants. Brown pants. Size, 34×34.”

“Yea, well, so what? Are they something you can wear? Are you as round as you are tall?”

“Get the next bag. Let’s see what’s in it.”

“This one is full of beer bottles. And an empty bottle of scotch. But no books.”

“Look Wolf. One more bag. That’s it for me.”

“Hey here, they are. Pat’s books!!”

“But look at them. They are a mess. Full of spaghetti sauce and noodles. Who would want to read those books? This is ridiculous.”

“Let’s bring them to Pat and see what she says.”

The girls went to Pat’s room. They told her they had found her books. Pat had been drinking, and several empty bottles of beer were on her dresser. Pat took a look at the books and told the girls that those were not her books. Her books were in excellent condition. These could not possibly be her books.

“Well, could you use a head of lettuce and a pair of brown pants?”

In her inebriated state, Pat said, “What size pants?”

“34×34”

“Super! My size. And if you throw in the lettuce, I will be happy. Here’s 10 bucks.”

Minnie and Wolf split the 10 bucks and went back to the dumpster. They found a number of items that they sold the next day to the residents of the Autumn Years Rest Home. Someone even bought the spaghetti stained books. They rolled in $30, and went out to dinner.

“You know what Minnie? You stink.”

“You ain’t no sweet smelling flower yourself, Wolf.”

“You want to go diving tonight?”
“The only diving I want to do is diving into the bathtub.”

“Me too, Minnie. This sucks.”

“No more great ideas, ok Wolf?”

“Ok Minnie. But wait. One more thing. Frank’s cat climbed up that maple tree and won’t come down. He is willing to pay for someone to climb up there and rescue it.”

Wolf

Halloween is coming

“Well, gang, it has been a wild month so far. I am so tired when I get out of work, that I have no energy for anything else.”

“Oh, come on, Wolf. It can’t be that bad.”

“Look here, Minnie, you don’t know anything about it. Let me tell you about last week.”

“If you insist…..”

“I had so many conference calls that my ear damn near fell off. And so many of the participants had foreign accents that nobody knew what they were talking about. For example: “This nexta projeht is due in October. Ah ah ah…. Oct 24. Do you have any questionsa?” And someone said, “Well, I don’t-eh know-eh what -eh you mean-eh.” And then someone piped in and said: “Excuse me, I have a small doubt. Could you please to ‘splain?” And then Suki spoke up and said: “This Suki. Am I on wrong call?”

“So did you get it all straight?”

“No way. Not in this lifetime. And then, there were multiple packages that were not delivered, due to so called exceptions. And get this: UPS couldn’t find the address, so they sent a postcard. Now how in the world is a post card gonna get to a non existent address?

“How can you be tired over this nonsense?”

“Wait. That is only the start of it. Do you know how many orders were so called emergencies, and placed after 4pm? And they had to call good old Wolf to get them out the door. They know that 2pm is the cutoff for orders. If they only knew how many cases of beer I owe the shipping crew, they would be appalled.”

“So, ok, Wolf. You had a rough week. Can you try to relax now?”

“I would, if I didn’t have this cell phone. People can’t reach me on the land line, and call this thing. And they expect me to listen to their concerns and take care of them even on the weekends.”

“Did you get any calls today?”

“No. The damn thing ran out of juice. So nothing went through. I guess I should charge it.”

“Don’t. Let’s have a glass of wine and talk about Halloween. Any plans for your costume this year?”

“Yes. I am either going to be Norman Bates’ mother, or an illegal immigrant.”

“That’s a wild choice.”

“Nope. They are very similar. I figure if I am an illegal, and can’t speak English, I can’t comprehend what my customers are saying, and if I am Mrs Bates, I sure as hell don’t have any clue about anything. But I think I would look smashing with a wig and knife. So, I guess my mind is made up.”

“Ah. Mrs Bates, eh?”

“Nope. An illegal.”

Wolf