Pat had an announcement at breakfast, at the Autumn Years Rest Home.

“Excuse me, everyone. I have a very special friend who is coming over to tour this facility. I really want her to live here. She will be here later this afternoon. Can you please help me? Dress up. And be kind and gentile.”

“Huh? Gentile? And dress up? What the hell?”

“Cool it Wolf. My friend is extremely well versed. She wants to be with others who share her dreams and desires. We would be so blessed to have her living here.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what’s her name?”


“What a hoot. Alice in Wonderland. Ok Pat. We will be on our best behavior.”

At 2pm, Alice entered the Home.

She approached the receptionist:

“Hello. I am Alice. I am here as a special and valued guest. I am looking for my dear friend Pat. Please let her know that I have entered the building.”

Pat rushed up to the reception area. “Oh Alice. How very very wonderful to see you again. Please let me show you around.”

“Thank you Pat. I am pleased to be here. I cherish my moments with you and your extended family. You wouldn’t happen to have a scooter or wheel chair to make my tour more comfortable, would you?”

Pat began the tour, wheeling and showing Alice the great room, the TV room and the game room. When the ladies entered the dining room, the residents were enjoying an afternoon delight of chocolate pudding and almond cookies. Pat brought Alice to the front of the room and exclaimed, “Here she is everyone. My dear friend, Alice. Please welcome her.”

Alice spoke up next. “Good afternoon, all. I am so delighted to be here, to live in the moment, and, quoting a great poet, “And in the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter and the sharing of pleasures, for in the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”

Wolf spoke up: “Oh yes, right. Kalil Gibran, right? You must be a left over hippie, like the rest of us goofs. Welcome to the world of left overs and broken hips. Don’t be afraid to let one fly, honey. We ancient folk have no secrets here. And I must say, you do look like you have an enormous amount of built up gas.”

Alice was astounded at the audacity. She turned to Pat and said, “Oh dear. Who is that woman? And what is she talking about? Gas? Whatever does she mean? How very mundane.”

The group erupted in raucous laughter and Gordon walked up to greet Alice. “Hey foxy mama, I think you and I have met before. Maybe in another life? You sure do remind me of my life time partner, Elton John. Those glasses and that outfit! Wow! Typical early EJ. You rock, woman.”

Alice looked astounded and pretended to have a fit. Pat whisked her off to the waiting taxi. The group heard Alice exclaim, “Why I never! You have nerve, Bitch, inviting me to this….this..freak show.”

Minnie turned to Wolf and said, “Did you hear that? She called Pat a B. No class. No class whatsoever.”

“Right on, Minnie. And after we all got dressed up in our stretch pants and fleece tops to impress her. Class-less. Phony. And you know what? When she left, I heard her tooting her ass off.”



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