“How was your day Wolf?”
“Aw. Come on. What happened?”
“Someone had their speaker phone on and the phone went dead. It sounded like a heart machine, steady sound. And several people ran up to my desk to take my pulse.”
“Yup. They thought I had croaked. I played dead until the crying started, and then I said, ‘Just fooling.’”
“Whoa! I bet they were relieved.”
“Actually, they were disgusted. They wanted blood, mine. They all know my 65th birthday is coming up in a few days and they all thought I was dead meat.”
“Don’t give me that. They must have been concerned.”
“Sure they were. The Boss had announced that we had to cut the fat. And, as you know, I am a pudgy old bag. They were hoping I would be the fat that would get the axe. And when they saw I was still breathing, they made a mad dash back to their desks. I heard one of them say, “Can you believe that Wolf is still alive? I mean, I saw cob webs hanging over her head last week. I thought for sure she had been there for days, dead as a door knob. And she was faking it. Now what the hell are we gonna do? Someone is getting the axe, today. It should be that old bat.”
The Boss announced that an emergency meeting was scheduled for 2pm. Everyone, except Wolf, showed up.
“I regret to inform you that we have no choice but to lay off some of you, for at least 3 months. Our business is slow, as it always is in the summer time. Soft. That’s what I call it. Soft. Human Resources will be contacting you later today, to let you know your status.”
Wolf waited until 5pm. She was positively certain that she would be chopped. No call. On her way out, she overheard the HR Manager: “@#%#%! I thought for sure we could avoid this layoff. I mean, Wolf was almost certainly road kill. But she managed to squeak by again. I hate to get rid of the new guy. He is a keeper. @#%%@%!”
Wolf went back into the office and said, “Could someone please take me out back and shoot me?”
Several people volunteered to do the shooting. Wolf filed a report with Corporate: Co-workers were armed with weapons, looking to shoot Senior associates. The lay off was settled. Among the victims were the Boss and the HR Manager.