Monday night, Autumn Years Rest Home:
It was Minnie’s birthday. She got a package in the mail. A pair of 5 inch red high heel shoes. Her niece sent them. They were high vamp. Minnie wore them to dinner.
Everyone was seated when Minnie stumbled into the dining room. She teetered and tottered as the heels took quite a beating. The group stared as Minnie flopped down in her seat.
“Whew! That was quite a ride. Well, how do you like them?”
George: “Hmmm. Have you lost your mind girl? Those shoes will kill you. And give you bunions. Quite unhealthy. What happened? Did you lose your sneakers?”
Frank: “For a minute I thought a hooker was on the loose. But then I see you are wearing that same old pink house coat. Tacky, very tacky.”
Pat: “What size are those shoes, Minnie? As the chief fox in this Home, I could get away with wearing those. How much do you want for them?”
Gordon: “You know what? I like them. Well, not so much on you, but on the right person, they could be dynamite.”
Wolf: “For God’s sake Minnie, have you lost your mind? You have bad feet as it is. What ever made you put those….those horrendous shoes on? Oh, and by the way, happy birthday.”
Minnie: “You are all just jealous. I love these shoes. They are high fashion, high end and very comfortable.”
Jimmy: “Yeah? Well, to tell you the truth, they do attract attention. But, if they are so comfortable, why did you kick them off when you sat down?”
Minnie: “I want to keep them smelling new. There is nothing like the smell of a new pair of shoes.”
The cook announced: “Tonight’s dinner is a buffet. Come on up everyone. Grab a plate.”
Minnie walked to the table… barefoot. The red shoes were under the table. When she carried her plate back to eat, her shoes were missing.
“Ok. Who took them? Come on. Was it you Wolf?”
The residents heard a belching sound. The neighborhood dog had wandered into the dining room, to snarf up the scraps. He had a red shoe in his mouth. He ran to the door and George let him out.
Minnie took off after the dog but it was too late. Doggy had chewed one of her shoes beyond resurrection. Minnie was beside herself. She threw her other shoe at doggy in a wild rage. Doggy caught the shoe and took off, chewing and gagging, as he ran through the yard.
The group cheered. “Hey, Minnie, that dog has more sense than you do. He saved your feet and maybe your life. Sit down girl and open your birthday present.”
Minnie’s present? A gift certificate to Shoes R Us.
The next day, Minnie teetered and tottered in to dinner. Doggy was waiting in the wings. As they say, history repeats itself.