Have you ever woke up at 3am and knew it was going to be impossible to go back to sleep? Wolf went to bed at 8pm Friday night. At 3am, she was wide awake. Now what?
How about a cup of coffee? Why not? It was Saturday, everyone else was sleeping. All she had to do was to stroll down to the kitchen and flip the switch. Why get dressed? No one else would be up at this hour.
Wolf was wearing an old pair of Pjs that in the 50s could be described as baby dolls. She had picked them up at the thrift store and they were real beauts. Too bad they weren’t her size. The tag on the baby dolls said size xxxl. Yeah, they were a tad bit loose, but the price was right.
Wolf walked down the hall to the kitchen. Geez, it was spooky. No lights, no people, no noise. Eerie. That was what she called it. An eerie feeling.
She didn’t want to wake anyone up, so she didn’t turn on the lights. She pretended she was blind and felt her way into the kitchen and found the coffee pot. She flipped the switch. Gurgle, gurgle.
Wolf stood in silence until the coffee had brewed. She opened the refrig and got the cream, and found a cup. She picked up the coffee pot and poured it into the cup.
As she was pouring the coffee into her cup, the bottom of her baby dolls gave way and fell to the floor. She was standing in the kitchen, with a hot cup of coffee half naked.
She laughed and thought, “Geez, I see this all the time on funniest home videos. People losing their pants. I guess it really does happen. Good thing I am the only one up at this hour.”
At that exact moment, the room was illuminated with a blinding light. 14 residents had been watching Dancing With Wolves, and the movie had just ended. They had wandered out to the kitchen to get a midnite snack.
There was Wolf, holding a cup of steaming coffee, with her pants on the floor. The residents looked in amazement at the spectacle. That’s when the screaming started. The residents ran out of the kitchen.
Gordon: “My God! What an awful way to end the evening. Now you all know why I never got married.”
Frank: “Why would anyone run around at 3am wearing only the top of her pajamas? I can not believe my eyes. What a sick woman.”
George: “I feel sick. Can someone please get me a barf bag?”
Pat: “Hey, you hussie. Just what are your intentions? This is disgusting.”
Minnie: “Wolf? What the hell? You take the cake, you sick pervert.”
Wolf pretended she was sleep walking. She turned her back to the crowd and mooned them. Everyone ran out of the room. Wolf turned the lights out and laughed, as she finished her coffee. She hung the bottom half of her pjs on the bulletin board with a sign: “If you don’t see me tomorrow, at breakfast, I am getting a tattoo, on my hind end. WMD. Weapon of mass destruction. Be back at lunch to show y’all.”
No one showed up for lunch.