“I actually ate a salad for lunch today, Minnie. And yogurt for dessert.  Geez, I am so healthy.”

 

“What else, Wolf?  You must have eaten something else.”

 

“Well, I had a blueberry muffin for breakfast, a pumpkin bar, for dessert,  and a bag of some new kind of  Italian fat chips.  And of course, M & M peanuts.”

 

What else?”

 

“Jack Nicholson iced tea, a mounds bar and a few snickers.”

 

“Let’s face it.  When you eat a salad for lunch, you snack all afternoon.  I suppose you stopped for a few brewskies on the way home.”

 

‘Of course. Those damn chips.  I was seriously parched.”

 

“You completely obliterated the healthy benefits  of that salad, Wolf.   By the way, where did you get the pumpkin bar?”

 

“It was a gift, Minnie.  The Beaver gave it to me, and I hid it from Erica.  It was wrapped up in aluminum foil, hiding under a formulary, when Erica wanted to know where her pumpkin bar was.”

 

“Did you tell her?”

 

“Heck no.  I waited til Pat asked me if I wanted some watermelon.  I told her that watermelon is my favorite fruit, but I could not eat another thing, after eating an enormous pumpkin bar.   I watched as Erica went wild and accused the Beaver of favoritism.  The scene went wild.  I was ecstatic.  Another round for the Wolf, the ultimate instigator.”

 

“Why do you insist on being the catalyst of nonsense?  You could have shared the pumpkin bar with Erica and had a win/win/win situation.”

 

“Look Minnie.  If you sat where I sit, and had to put up with the stuff I put up with, you would welcome the dissention.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Well, Pat has no air conditioning at home.  She comes into work, overheated and crabby. I say “Good morning, you idiot”  And she gets huffy.  Then Miranda comes in wearing her favorite sweater and leg warmers.  It is 90 degrees outside.  I mention:  “Hey Beav, you have an enormous hole in your favorite sweater. Oh wait, there are 2 holes in it.”  She refuses to admit the sweater has seen better days, and eats pumpkin bars, a bagel, with chipotle seasoning,  reads her book and refuses to comment.  And then there is Erica, on the hunt for those pumpkin bars.  You don’t know how stressful it is to be in the back room, with a crabby Appleton, a raga muffin and a pumpkin stalker.”

 

“Oh for crazy.”

 

“You know what, Minnie?  I am never eating another salad for lunch.  Salads seem to heighten my penchant for being obnoxious.”

 

“Blaming it on the salad, eh, Wolf?  What if you had a burger for lunch? Would anything be any different?”

 

“Of course not, Minnie.  I work in the back room.  And I love it!”

 

Wolf

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