“Hey, Wolf, do you do anything while you are driving?”


“Well, now, Minnie, what a great question.  What the 5@%%@5 are you talking about?”


“Some people text. Do you?”


“I don’t text when I am not driving, Have you seen my phone?  Why are they so damn small?   How does anyone text on those small keyboards?  Besides, I don’t text, period.  I call.”


“Do you ever drink while you are driving, Wolf?”


“Of course not.  All my drinking is before and after driving. Besides, it’s pretty hard to drink from a bottle of wine, when it is corked.”


“Do you listen to music while you are driving?”


“Where are you going with this, Minnie?”


“I  heard you have coworkers who eat while they drive.  True story?”


“Yes, there is one who prepares a 5 course meal before she leaves work and eats her ass off on the way home.”


“A 5 course meal?”


“Yup.  She has soup, salad, an entrée and a baked potato, and then a scrumptious dessert, ready to roll when she leaves work.  She claims she only eats when she is at a red light or stop sign, but she drives on the interstate.  Have you ever seen a stop sign on the interstate?  Or a red light?”


“Isn’t that dangerous?”


“No, not for her.  She only eats in between texting, and dancing to hip hop.”


“How does she keep her food hot?”


“She lays her chicken fingers on the hot roof of her car, while she is working, and she has her cigarette lighter wired to bake the hell out of her potato.  And when she is ready for dessert, she stops at a red light and grabs her can of whipped cream and sprays it in her mouth.”


“And that’s it?”


“Oh no. She stops at Starbucks, for her after dinner drink, and she holds the cup in one hand, her fork in her other hand, texting on her cell phone, and manages to give the bird to all those who are honking at her.”


“She must be an amazing person.”


“Yup.  She prides herself on multi tasking.  But unfortunately, she got bit last night, by a dog.”




“It was unfortunate.  The dog showed up at the red light, saw her eating, texting, and dancing, and asked her if he could join the party.”




“She said:  ‘bite me.'”







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