August newsletter to all employees:
It’s vacation season. And we all need to follow the example of one of our star employees: She took a half day of vacation, left at noon, and came back at 3pm. Way to go, girl!
And speaking of star employees, we have observed a remarkable change in one of our back room drama queens. She comes into work, at 9am, with a smile on her face, determined to make the best of it. She used to go wild after 15 minutes on the job. Now she is semi normal until 10am. Way to go, girl.
Oh to hell, with it, here is another back room story: Our only male has one last week on the job. His cube will be vacated, and we are selling tickets to see who gets to move in. If nobody buys any tickets, we totally understand. In that case, we will ask for volunteers. If none, Tara will make the decision and put a pickle on the desk of the “lucky” winner. Do not eat that pickle. If you do, you will be written up for destroying company property.
Now that the princess has settled into her new environment, she has assumed a new attitude. Trashed. What a shame. How the mighty have fallen. Be careful if you get that pickle. You could be the next victim.
We have a few new people in the back room. They are isolated, in the far corner, to protect them from the madding crowd, and Annie. You may not know this, but Annie is a facebook stalker, with no friends. Way to go, girl.
Somebody stole Kelly’s purse. She refuses to report it, as she says she does not carry a purse. It will be a tough case to solve, as her purse resembles a plastic shopping bag from Wegmans. If you have that bag, please return it immediately, as Kelly is going on vacation soon and can’t possibly go without it.
WWJD? Enough said? Come on Jas, you can’t know everything.
We love to recognize individuals who have unique characteristics. Our employee of the month goes to the Beaver. She has eaten over 50 lunches this year, all take out, of course, and has not, not even once, left her desk. Hey you lazy crazy Beaver, way to go!
And finally, do not engage the Wolf in conversation. If you do, you will find yourself in the next newsletter.
Ta ta, until next time.