“Well, Wolf Woman, welcome home.  Did you have a wonderful Monday?”

“It was a mixed bag.  Some good, some not so good.”

“Tell me.”

“I had the most nightmares in the history of mankind.  All night long, I woke up, to the most distressing news. First the football game.  The Eagles vs the Giants.  Seems the Giants forgot to leave NY.  Then the Walking Dead.  All that screaming and chomping or whatever those dead things do, invaded my sleep. I woke up eating the @5@5@# out of my pillow. By then, it was 5 am.  The alarm rang.  I ignored it, thinking it was the door bell.  Then I remembered, that door bell hasn’t worked for years. The cat jumped on me. It was Half Pint.  When that cat was a kitten, he was a 2 lb ball of fur. Today, he weighs over 20 lbs. and when he jumps on me, I swear a sack of potatoes fell from the roof.”

“Oh for crazy!”

“I raced for the coffee pot and calculated the time I had left before I made the trek into work.  14 minutes.  A half cup of coffee, a quick shower and I was off, forgetting my lunch, my coffee and my dignity.  It was raining, but at least, it wasn’t snowing.  So I put a bid in for a 4 wheel drive vehicle, thinking I should at least plan for the upcoming winter.  We haggled, and by the time I was ready to accept the offer, the damn car was sold.”

“Looks like you will be screwed again, when it snows.”

“Shut up, Minnie.  Then I started my daily routine.  Pat took the day off.  Damn!  I hate that.  I need to tell her to shut up, but she had the nerve to take the day off.  I had to relieve my need to be goofy, so I wore my trench coat and kept flashing everyone.  I had a slightly queasy feeling, from the debauchery of the weekend, so I tooled off at noon, to get a greasy lunch.  A fried chicken sandwich and potato soup.  Not a good choice.  If that was chicken, I will eat my hat.  And the soup? Throw a potato in water and boil the hell out of it, and there you have it.”

“How about the afternoon?”

“Oh, yeah, the afternoon.  My darling Donna and Scottie, had to put up with this old chicken butt, trying to train them on their new account. I am probably the worst trainer in the history of the western world, but when it was over, I was impressed.  Who says we are indispensable?  If I should leave tomorrow, would you still remember me?”

“Cool it, free bird.”

“And then, it was 5pm.  The boys are back in town, and drinking Sambuca shots and beer chasers.  I told them I had a wonderful day and just seeing those 2 gorgeous boys sitting together, at the bar, half in the bag, made my day.  I lied.  I was back on my game.  They blushed and said, ‘A rose between 2 thorns.’  And I immediately replied, ‘No, a thorn between 2 roses.'”

“You are so full of BS, it ain’t funny.”

“Are you serious?  I am the most hilarious person you will ever meet.  Just ask me.”




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