“On this Sunday evening, do you have any words of wisdom?”
“Of course I do. Here are a few:
The reason the priest puts a napkin over his glass of wine is to keep the fruit flies away.
Nothing ages you as much as watching an old rock star concert.
Doughnuts get stale in one day.
The lottery: You can’t win if you don’t play. And, you can’t lose if you don’t play.
A small cat can whip a big dog.
The best flashers always wear a trench coat.
Never cut your own bangs.
You don’t have to like your coworkers, but it helps if you do.
Customers who send nasty emails can be tamed: Just call them.
If you fail a drug test, don’t act surprised.
Never pee while you are on a conference call.
A printed book is more satisfying than an electronic book.
Plant your own garden, but don’t destroy the weed.
Drinking a coke in the morning is not the same as drinking coffee.
Use coupons at the grocery store. You will buy all kinds of stuff you will never use.
Keeping a wardrobe of several sizes is wishful thinking.
Express yourself. So what if the world thinks you are an idiot? You probably are.”