Doctor’s appointment:

Sugar is up

Cholesterol is up

Vitamin D is down


I am not taking my cholesterol meds.  I don’t like them. The pills are too large. No, I don’t need a refill  I have about a zillion of them.

What no carbs?  No bread?  No sugar?  Do you prescribe medical marijuana?

After 50 years of age, the body stops producing vitamin D?  So now what?

Get out in the sun.  What sun?

Time for a flu shot.  Do I want the old people’s flu shot or the regular?  I hate old people.  Give me the regular.

Let’s also give you a pneumonia shot.  No way!  One shot a day is my limit.

You can’t go until you have an EKG.

What the hell?

The nurse comes in and her lap top dies.  It takes 20 minutes for it to juice up.  By then, I am covered with stickers and gel and fall asleep.

Remember now:  Limit your carbs.  Knock off the bread and the sweets.

Yup.  For sure.

On my way to work, I have an irresistible urge for a doughnut..  Oh look, a dunkin doughnuts.  A small coffee please, no sugar and a dozen doughnuts.

Feeling smug about the no sugar.  But then, I have never taken sugar in my coffee.

I need to exercise more.  I try to escape from my cubicle and phone.  Luckily, I find time to walk to the refrigerator and toast a few waffles.

I gained 2 lbs.  Geez!  I never should have been weighed carrying my pocket book and wearing that 10 lb leather jacket.

I am a medical mess.  I am stressed.  I stop for a few screw drivers.  Ok, 3 screw drivers.  Vitamin C, right? At least I won’t get scurvy.

Oh!  It’s BBQ night.  I order ribs, corn bread, baked beans and cole slaw to go.

I chow down.  The pharmacy calls.  My prescriptions are ready.

Huh?  What prescriptions?  Oh, never mind.  Do they include medical marijuana?

That’s it.  I am going to detox myself.  No more food. I vow to go on a liquid diet.

Water and lemons.

That’s it.

I hear it is a wonderful chaser for a bottle of wine.






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