“How is your Saturday going, Wolf?”

“I woke up this morning and thought I still had my hat on.  But it was the cat, sleeping on my head.”

“Did you go shopping?”

“No.  I hit the beer and liquor store on my lunch hour yesterday, so I stayed home.”

“What about food?  You always shop on Saturdays.”

“Not today.  It is the gloomiest, rainiest, darkest and dreariest day ever.  Besides, I have a sinus headache.”

“Are you following your doctor’s orders and not eating carbs and sweets?”

“I’m not eating anything, you idiot.  I didn’t go shopping. Remember?”

“I thought I saw you eating an Italian hoagie.”

“Oh that.  Yeah.  That was left over from last night. Leftovers don’t count.”

“Don’t count?  You ate it, didn’t you?”

“Anything that I could have eaten yesterday, but didn’t, counts as yesterday’s news.  Today, I am carb and sugar free.”

“What kind of crazy logic is that?”

“I am keeping a diary of what I eat, and I said I ate a hoagie yesterday.  So today doesn’t count.”

“First of all, hoagies are loaded with carbs and other bad things.  Why are you eating hoagies?”

“I will have you know, I ordered it with lettuce and tomatoes.  Very healthy.”

“What else did you eat yesterday?”

“Barbecued ribs, baked beans, cole slaw and a slice of pizza.”

“Your doctor is going to kill you, if the food doesn’t kill you first.”

“Well, I read an article and it touts red wine as the key to longevity.”

“Yeah, in moderation.”

“The article said white wine doesn’t have the same benefits so I am giving up white wine.”

“You don’t even like white wine.”

“So what?  I am giving it up.”

“I notice you are into the bailey’s again.  Does that also prolong life?”

“No, it just enhances it.”

“When are you going to get serious about your health, Wolf?”

“Hey!  Did you forget?  I had a doctor appointment this week, and got a flu shot and an EKG.”

“Flu shots don’t work, Wolf.  They don’t even cover the latest strain of the flu.  And why the EKG?”

“Who knows?  I guess old people get EKGs to see if they are still alive.”

“I hope you told your doctor that you are seriously and crazily deranged.”

“I did, in passing, as I was running out the door.   And I heard her exclaim, as I drove out of sight, “Hey, you forgot your pants!”

 

Wolf

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