December Newsletter to all employees:
Hi. Hi. Hi. (notice, I did not say Ho Ho Ho).
The end of the year is near, and yes, I did ask for honest comments on my behavior in 2014, and recommendations for improvement. I asked you to put your findings in the suggestion box, and there was an overwhelming response.
I have received your feedback on my performance and I want to thank you for all your positive comments, as well as taking the time to review those scathing ridiculous ramblings, in this newsletter.
By the way, this is the last year, I will ask for feedback.
First of all, I refuse to stop these newsletters.
I believe that communication is the key to excellence, and if you don’t like what you read, too bad. You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Ooops, sorry, I was watching a rerun of a Few Good Men. You know Tom Cruise sure puts on a good show, but we all know, he is a lunatic, much like the majority of you who do not like my gregarious, outgoing, slightly crazy personality.
Where were we? Oh yeah. The suggestion box: Ok. I have half a bag on, so I am posting some of the comments:
1. Give it up, Wolf. You old bag. You are not funny. Your hats are stupid, and what is with that incessant laughing? Life is not a joke, but you are.
Answer: Shut up Pat.
2. Hey, Wolf, your newsletters suck.
Answer: Yeah, I know. So why are you reading them? Oh, and shut up, Beav.
3. Can I have a day off? To go Christmas shopping for my niece?
Answer; Shut up, Erica. By the way, your gigantic lunch bag is in the dumpster.
4. I live in the mountains. My son plays basketball. I need time off to go to those @@!%@@3 games. Ok?
Answer: Shut up, Candis. And quit that princess act.
5. Thank you for being such a role model and awesome person in 2014. We love you.
Answer: Ok, so I put that suggestion in the box. And one. two, three, let’s all hear it:
Shut up, Wolf