“Question for you, Minnie:  What’s the first thing you notice when someone is losing weight?”

“They aren’t fat?”

“Let me rephrase:  Where on the human body is it noticeable when a person has lost weight?”

“I think I read somewhere that is it the head.  Yes, that’s it.  Just look at Beetlejuice.  He lost weight and his head shrunk.”

“I think it is the boobs, Minnie.  They shrivel up and don’t flop around as much as usual.”

“Hey, Wolf, you have only been on this diet for 3 weeks.  And from what I observe, you are still flopping.”

“I wonder how long it takes before my hind end stops flopping.”

“Probably not in this life time.  Besides, you can’t see you hind end, so who cares if it continues to be a weapon of mass destruction?”

“It’s strange, but I am not on a diet to lose weight.  I am trying to rid myself of toxic juices, and I guess most of the juices must have been hanging out in my boobs.  Now that they are disappearing,  I guess the next thing I have to do is get rid of all my hats.  My head will shrink, and I will end up looking like the letter b.”

“You could have a hind end reduction.  Then you will be the letter L.  Your feet will never shrink.  What letter do you want to be, anyway?”

“The letter O.”

“What the hell?”

“If you are the letter O, you can eat what you want, and you will only get to be a fatter O.  Besides, there are other benefits, being an O.”

“Like what?”

“You can’t touch your toes, so no exercising.  Stuck on the top of a hill?  No problem.  Roll down.  Need a new wardrobe?  Hit the tent and awning store.  Need a Halloween costume?  Tie a ribbon on a stick and go as a balloon.  Want a new career?  Double as the Pillsbury dough boy.  Letter O’s are jolly, so you can laugh all you want, and never laugh your ass off.  Oh yes, the letter O!  Self indulgent, undisciplined and happy as a clam.”

“Want a cookie, Wolf?”

“Actually, no.  But I will take some of those left over roasted Brussels sprouts.”



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