It’s your day.
You sure picked a humdinger of a day to celebrate yourselves.
Abe? Was it this cold in your cabin in Illinois?
No wonder you got the heck out.
George? Did you really cross the Delaware in a boat?
Was there really someone on the other side, holding a lantern?
Were you wearing your wig?
In your honor, I wore my leggings, a pair of socks, 2 sweaters, a scarf, a bear coat and hat, gloves and dead man’s boots.
My brother in law works at a retirement home and gave me the boots, when one of the old gents expired.
I clunked around in them this morning, but I must take a time out to thank the dead old guy.
Those boots are an atrocity, but quite warm.
Some people donate their organs.
The dead guy donated his boots to a freezing cougar.
In your honor, George, I bought a battery operated lantern at Rite Aid.
It was one of those special products.
“As shown on TV.”
And for you, Abe, I almost bought a Lincoln.
But I settled for a Ford.
I called the Betty Ford Foundation.
“Will you commit a hopeless cougar wearing a polar bear hat and dead man’s boots?”
They told me to just say no.
I am not a crook.
I did not have sex with that woman.
The buck stops here.
I do not have Obama care.
And yes, I am a weapon of mass destruction.
There she goes again. (dancing neath the starry skies)
I gave up and called the Donald.
He was in Camelot, with Miss Universe.
Hey Abe and George: What the hell happened to our country?
They said, “Ask not what you can do for a cougar, ask what a cougar can do for you.”
Yes! Hey Congress: Let’s make a new national holiday! Next year, let’s skip a February President’s day holiday and celebrate in April, when we don’t have to wear dead man’s boots and polar bear hats.
National Cougar day! April 20th.
It is 420 somewhere.