Woke up early, with a mission in mind.

A mission in the mind is hard to beat.

However, I was hungry as a bear for a bagel.

Drove down to the deli.

2 dozen bagels please.

What?  You don’t have 2 dozen bagels?

Now what?  Do you have one bagel?

Can I have it?  With an egg and sausage?

What?   You have reconsidered?  I can have a dozen bagels?

But only if I take those wheat and raisin bagels off your hands?

Yeah, ok. So, may I ask?  Are you or are you not a deli?

And if you are, what the hell?  You don’t have 2 dozen bagels?

Yeah, I see.  Bagels are not a big seller.

You are kidding, right?

Ok. Cancel my sausage.

I am on a mission and I can’t allow a sausage to interfere with my purpose in life.

If I may reflect on my past, I have never met a sausage I didn’t like.

Wait.  There was this one wiener….. but that’s another story.

My mission?

Why, how nice of you to ask.

I am a whistle blower.

Yes, I intend to blow the whistle today.

If I show you my weenie, will you show me yours?

Just kidding.

I left the deli, bags in hand.

One of the bags had a hole in it.

Does that make me half in the bag?

I ate a bagel.

It was so so.

But my mission loomed in my mind.

Hey, Mr HR Manager?  Got a minute?

I am here on a mission.

And I blew the whistle.

Have you ever met anyone who ate a bagel, walked into the HR manager’s office, and said:  “Hey, I want to blow the whistle, on myself?”

3 our fathers and 14 hail marys later, I emerged from the building, only to be attacked by a hissing goose, who was chomping on a wheat bagel.

I survived the attack by singing, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner.

The goose winked at me and said, “Don’t give up your day job, and by the way, can you manage to bring me a sesame bagel tomorrow with strawberry cream cheese?”

Moral of the story: If you hang out with a goose, expect to get goosed.   And if you blow your own whistle, you deserve it.




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