Woke up early, with a mission in mind.
A mission in the mind is hard to beat.
However, I was hungry as a bear for a bagel.
Drove down to the deli.
2 dozen bagels please.
What? You don’t have 2 dozen bagels?
Now what? Do you have one bagel?
Can I have it? With an egg and sausage?
What? You have reconsidered? I can have a dozen bagels?
But only if I take those wheat and raisin bagels off your hands?
Yeah, ok. So, may I ask? Are you or are you not a deli?
And if you are, what the hell? You don’t have 2 dozen bagels?
Yeah, I see. Bagels are not a big seller.
You are kidding, right?
Ok. Cancel my sausage.
I am on a mission and I can’t allow a sausage to interfere with my purpose in life.
If I may reflect on my past, I have never met a sausage I didn’t like.
Wait. There was this one wiener….. but that’s another story.
Why, how nice of you to ask.
I am a whistle blower.
Yes, I intend to blow the whistle today.
If I show you my weenie, will you show me yours?
I left the deli, bags in hand.
One of the bags had a hole in it.
Does that make me half in the bag?
I ate a bagel.
It was so so.
But my mission loomed in my mind.
Hey, Mr HR Manager? Got a minute?
I am here on a mission.
And I blew the whistle.
Have you ever met anyone who ate a bagel, walked into the HR manager’s office, and said: “Hey, I want to blow the whistle, on myself?”
3 our fathers and 14 hail marys later, I emerged from the building, only to be attacked by a hissing goose, who was chomping on a wheat bagel.
I survived the attack by singing, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner.
The goose winked at me and said, “Don’t give up your day job, and by the way, can you manage to bring me a sesame bagel tomorrow with strawberry cream cheese?”
Moral of the story: If you hang out with a goose, expect to get goosed. And if you blow your own whistle, you deserve it.