So you’re moving on up?

So, you are moving up.

Out of the back room and up to the front.

Leaving behind your BFFs.

Where bad habits and outrageous behavior were so much fun.

Can you imagine any other group of 4 or 5 or 6?

Who clicked the way we did and got our daily fix?

Snow and Carl and Candis have moved to new jobs.

Now Erica joins them, and turns a new leaf.

Hey Pat, Miranda, and Chicken b:

It’s only the 3 of us, alone once again.

Yeah, E, we will miss you, but we still will be here,

When you want to return to the room in the rear.

We will thrive as we survive, and continue our drive

To enjoy the hell out of our daily work lives

Sundown ya better take care
If I find you bin creepin’ ’round my back stair

Bye bye Erica, we will miss you

But I think you will miss us more.





Wolf, Oscar and the Beav


For sale: hosed up glasses

Oh great.  I sat on my sun glasses.

This is a month after I sat on my prescription glasses.

Now I have 2 pairs of hosed up glasses.

When I put them on, I look goofy.

One eye about 2 inches higher than the other.

Quite an alarming sight.

When someone talks to me, I can’t help but wonder which eye they are looking at.

I guess they don’t make glasses like they used to.

Or else, my hind end has grown beyond its normal realm, and devastates anything that happens to be in its way.

I should get that tattoo one of these days.  WMD.  Weapons of mass destruction.  Or maybe WGD.  Weapons of glass destruction.

But then, I am not sure that any tattoo artist would work on a canvas that large.

It’s probably a good thing that I drink.  Simply because, when I do, I don’t notice that the glasses I am wearing are cockeyed.  I can continue to use these glasses, as long as I continue to drink.

As a matter of fact, I have a couple of other pairs of glasses that are still relatively decent, and I just might have to sit on those.

Then, when I am asked, what is wrong with my glasses, I will get indignant and let everyone know that my glasses are custom designed, to accommodate my special eye situation.  And I will glare cross eyed and cockeyed, while I order another drink.

I love it when I have a plan.


Baby, baby it’s a wild world

A baby is comfortably nesting, not quite ready to make his entrance into this world.

Mother looks so uncomfortable, yet her face is glowing, and when she touches her belly, she does it ever so delicately.

It must be the most wonderful feeling that a woman can have, carrying a miracle, for 9 months, knowing that in just a few days, the gift of life, for her son, will leave the sanction of her body to live and breathe on his own.

What will the little babe become?  Will he have a secure future?  Will he be healthy? Happy?  Successful?

Oh baby, baby it’s a wild world.  It’s hard to get by on a smile.  But in your case, your smile is enough.  At least for a few years.  Let’s worry about the future when it gets here.

For now, Mother and Child are the focus of our concern.

We wait for the Child to signal his arrival, and hurry to assist Mother in his delivery.

And when he finally decides to make his entrance, we hear his cries, as we welcome him into a new world.

A perfect child in an not so perfect world.

We do our best to protect him, and when he is ready, we let him go.

And we hope and believe that he just might make a difference in this world.

After all, we have been told that an individual can make a difference.

And as we age, we give up trying, and pass that belief to our offspring.

Life has a way of wearing us down, forcing us to give it up and leave it to others to change the world.

We pass our legacies on to the next generation, get out of the work place and live our lives in peace and tranquility on the golf courses and beaches.

Thinking old is being old.

But having a new born in one’s life, rejuvenates the hopes and promises of what life has to offer.

And changing the world is up to all of us, individually, one at a time, whether we are a new born, or a senior citizen.

If you think you can be that change, go for it.

If you would rather not, then so be it.

Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing……(Helen Keller)




Summer time and the living is easy

Thursday, June 25th.

Where in the world did June go?

We are in the final week of June, 2015.

How did it go so quickly?

And what did we accomplish?

Do we ever wake up and say: Ok.  It is now June 25.  Only 5 more days of June.

For today and every day, of the summer of 2015, I resolve to live every minute of every day to the fullest.

There is nothing more comfortable and easy living than the days of June, July and August.

Take a look outdoors.

Life is blooming.

It is calling us to action.

Even the sun shines longer during  the days of summer.

We plant.

We weed.

We sow.

And we wonder,  yes, we wonder, what is life all about?

Is life an easy, peaceful feeling?

Is it a struggle?

Do we sacrifice our freedom and happiness,  in search of the ultimate secure future?

Hey, kiddies, no such animal:  Nothing, nope, nothing is ever really secure, except for relationships, friendships and space ships.

However, we are here today, June 25, 2015.

And you are you and I am I.

And we have today.

24 hours.

To live our lives.

And if we are fortunate, we will have tomorrow, June 26th , to live another day.

My wish for you?

Enjoy it.

Live it.

Go for it.

And if you are available at 5pm tomorrow night, I hope you will join me and Harvey, the invisible rabbit at the local pub, where we will toast to our happiness and magic, and live to see another day.



If the power is out, are the lights on?

June 24, 2015

Voice mail:  urgent :  From The Banana.   “My power is out.  It is dark in here.  I couldn’t find the number for Con Ed, so I called 911.  They told me to quit calling and hung up on me. Question: Do you have power?”

Response to VM: “What the hell?  I am in Pennsylvania.  You are in NY.  Yes, I have power.  So how the hell are you able to call me?”

Voice mail:  “What about Heather? Does she have power?”

Response to VM:  “What the @5@55@%@%?  Heather is in CT.  You are in NY.  How are you able to call me?”

Voice mail: ” I have a cell phone, an old one.  It is my only link to the world.  I need to let someone know that I do not have power.”

VM:  “You live in an apartment complex. Does anyone have power? And if not, have you called the super?”

Response to VM:  “I called the Super, but he doesn’t answer.  What if I have to take my dog out?”

VM:  “If the whole place is without power, somebody knows. By the way, have you ever heard of flash lights?  If the dog needs to go out, walk him out with a flashlight.  And quit calling.  You need to reserve the juice you have in your old cell phone.”

2 hours later:

Voice mail:  My power is back. Thank goodness.”

Response:  “Hey, Banana, did you call 911?”

Voice mail: “I told you I called this morning. They hung up on me.”

Response:  “No, I mean, did you call them to let them know the power is back on?”

Voice mail:  “The Banana is not available at this time.  Please leave your name and number and I will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Response:  Sometimes, in this life, we find a rare individual, who seems to find herself in the wildest, craziest circumstances, but who always manages to make us laugh.  So who am I to say she is a lunatic?

After all, it takes one to know one.






One helluva day

“Minnie, It was one helluva day.”

“Let me reflect on that comment, for one minute.  A helluva day.  Does that mean you had a good day?  Or a bad day?”:

“Both.  It was a mixed bag of the good, the bad and the homely.”

“What happened to the ugly?”

“We got lucky.  The severe storm warnings were cancelled. But the weather was mighty oppressive.  I can’t say it was ugly, but it was quite homely.”

“Go ahead. You are dying to tell me.  What happened to you today?”

“Are you ready for this?  My top 10 list for today:

1. The vacations are hot and heavy.  I covered for 3 people today.   Time flew.  It was wild. I asked several people to take me out back and shoot me, and I must say, they all seemed way too eager to accommodate my request.

2.  I got an email from a hotel in NYC.  Dear Wolf:  Hey, come on up on your birthday.  You can hang out on the roof top, but Mayor Bloomberg moved the fireworks to the East River, so you won’t be able to see them.  But we love you anyway.

3.  I decided to eat healthy and had Greek yogurt for breakfast, laced with caramel.  Now that is one helluva yogurt.

4.  Jimbo called me at work.  A rare event.  He told me that tornadoes were in the forecast, and that he and the cats would be in the basement if the twister hit.  And by the way, did I want him to call me if they got blown to Kansas?

5.  I ran into an old friend who had been missing for 2 months.  A 6 foot, 62 year old male, who frequents the local pub. Where have you been?  What? In the hospital?  Are you ok?  You weigh what?  120 lbs?  You have lung cancer?  I am so sorry.  (Life can be so cruel)

6.  A burned bridge showed up at the office.  He ate crow.  And I watched him as he ate 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie.

7.  I finished another book, a murder mystery.  Mary Higgins Clark. My 5th book in 5 weeks.  It is amazing what an hour a day, reading, on a lunch hour, can do, to rejuvenate one’s mind..  Books are wonderful!

8. Another day of veggies only.   Yogurt, watermelon, apples, enchiladas, cucumber, red peppers, tomatoes, onions, and nuts.   Oh yeah, and orange juice, with a few shots of vegan vodka.

9.  No issues with A Fib today.  No issues since June 6th.  Could it be that I am damn near in perfect health once again?

10.  Opened the windows tonight, and the air is cool and comfortable.  The storms have weakened and are going out to sea.  I hear the birds chirping as they get ready to bed down for the night.  And the cats are stretched out, on the floor, waiting for me to climb into bed, so they can jump in and claim their space.  I wonder if anyone in the world could possibly be as happy as I am tonight.

A good, bad and homely day.

But then, most days are.



Monday, Monday. I choked on a ham sandwich

Ok, all you goofs out there.

We survived another Monday.

Do we give Monday a bad rap?

Slinking out of work on a Friday night.

Strutting and smiling.

2 days off, sista, or bro.

Doing our own thing.

Don’t talk to me about Monday until it happens.

Hiss Boom Bah.

Look at me, back at work, after 2 days of freedom.

Yeah, so?  The flooding was bad. My basement is a mess.

Yeah, so? My kid lost his baseball game.

Yeah, so?  I had to cook for 24 people on Father’s day.

Yeah, so?  I took kitty to the vet.  What?  Her meds cost what?

Yeah, so?  My spouse told me I look old.

Yeah, so?

I could not wait to get back to work.

Mondays:  Such a miserable day.

Don’t kid yourself.

Sometimes, Mondays just happen to be the best day of the week.

It is the one day of the week that we all love to hate.

An inevitable, chronic, and one hell of a day of reckoning.

(wink wink)

Hey Goofs, Mondays aren’t the problem.

Think about it.

Would spring be the same without  the winter?

How does the butterfly exist?

Is freedom really free?

Would Fridays be the same if there were no Mondays?




Conversation with my Dad

Hey, Dad, if you were still here today, I wonder what it would be like.

Would you have an open faced hard boiled egg and lox sandwich with the crust cut off the bread?

I think you would grab your cribbage board, you know the one that no longer has those metal sticks.  No problem, we can use stick matches.

No, Lassie reruns are not on TV today. But if they were, you would be crying at the end of the show.

I suppose you would have to “check the furnace” in the basement.  Hey, Dad, just bring the bourbon upstairs.  I need it more than you do.

You want what for dinner? KFC?   Ok. With mashed potatoes and hot gravy?  Yeah, I know.  Make sure the gravy is hot.

What do you mean your foot itches?  You had your leg cut off several years ago.  The phantom foot still itches?

Mom is no longer here, Pop.  Her heart gave out and she died in her sleep.   I tried to make it home to see her, but she died just before I got there.  But I knew the moment she passed.  The sun set over Lake Superior, in glorious pink and yellow splendor.  It was very peaceful.

Where are the kids?  Well, Bob, Pete, Marge and Tom are no longer on this earth.  It’s only Muz, Jimmy and me left. And I really wonder about Jimmy. He has disappeared from our lives, for the most part, and from what I hear, he is living in Canada with his grade school sweetheart.

Muz?  She has turned into Mom.  And she is happy.

Me?  I am a lot like you Dad.   A real goof.  I like to have a good time, every day.  I moved from Minnesota years ago, and am married to Jimbo, and have 2 cats.  I continue to work.  The reason?  Jimbo and the 2 cats.  hahahahah.

Remember how you used to fall asleep when we would be playing cards?  I would patiently wait for you to play your hand, thinking you were reflecting on your next move and dammit, Dad, you were sleeping.

Unfortunately, your favorite watering hole, The Twins, closed.  So, you and I would have had to find another pub to frequent.  The Vikings might win the super bowl, but I wouldn’t count on it.  But if you were still here, we would definitely get to a Twins game.

It’s Father’s day today, Dad.

The cat’s in the cradle.

The Edmund Fitzgerald is still at the bottom of the lake.

And I miss you.





The 6 second rule

Did you know that when we meet a person, for the first time, we form an opinion of that person within 6 seconds?

I don’t know if those opinions change or not, as we get to know the person, or if our first impressions are lasting ones.

I wonder how many job interviews are truly a waste of time.  Perhaps we should just show up, introduce ourselves and leave 6 seconds later.  If may be that a decision has been made, on those first impressions.

Walk into a bar, alone. Someone approaches you.  Wants to buy you a drink.  It’s rare that you have to think twice.  It’s either Hell No, or Hell yes, instantly.

Got a new coworker?  A new boss?  A new doctor?  Ever thought to yourself, I just don’t know what it is about this person that I don’ t like.  But I bet you really do know.  And you decided that in 6, yes 6 seconds.

The waiter at the restaurant approaches your table.  You either connect or you don’t connect, within 6 seconds. It’s the same tune at the local supermarket or the department store.  And it affects your buying decisions.

For those of us who rarely meet our customers face to face, it’s a little different.  It’s how we sound when the customer first calls us on the phone.  I call it the phone tone. Believe it or not, customers can tell from our tone if we really care about them.

This non scientific observation from a deranged chicken butt might be considered by some, as far fetched, or just plain hog wash.  However, the next time you meet someone, think about the 6 second rule. You might surprise yourself.





Don’t sell that cow.

Don’t remind me.

I know they are gone.

Candis and Tara, on their way to a new adventure.

Empty desks.

Empty cubes.

A veritable ghost town in the back room.

Did we say our goodbyes?

Of course not.

It isn’t cool to cry in public.

Those who are left are feeling the pain.

And from the ashes, the next leaders emerge.

I look at my roomies and realize that my time has passed.

I am not a contender.

Not in the scheme of things.

So what the heck is my role?

An instigator of riotous behavior?

A pitiful example of things gone wild?

Miss Haversham reincarnated?

Or just someone who enjoys her job and the people she works with?

Yeah, I think as one ages, the thought of advancing is not first and foremost.

It is rather, what one does best.

What one enjoys, and what makes work a joy.

I hope I can keep up with the wonderfully talented and skilled employees who are in the prime of their lives.

But I have no illusions.

I have my own strengths.

They have theirs.

I love the diversity of the work place.

And when I am hosed up beyond belief and no longer effective in even a half assed way, would someone please put me out to pasture?


And let me live out the rest of my life in a field of grass, dancing, the last dance, the best dance, with Mary Jane.