So I go to the Dr.
She says: What in the world is going on with your blood pressure?
She takes it 3 times.
Prescribes heavy duty meds.
Now I am on the 2nd week.
My BP is really alarmingly low.
Is that a word? Alarmingly?
Well, my bp is so low now, that I am forced to drink doubles to get it up there.
I have to ask everyone I meet to slap the W#5W#%#% out of me, to heighten my senses.
I go to hockey games and wrestling matches, just for the horror of it all.
I fall asleep when I am looking for a file in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet.
I sky dive in my undies, in the midnight hour.
I become a NY Giants fan and try to kill myself.
I volunteer to work with the Beav and Oscar, knowing they will kick my ass and enjoy it.
I venture into the front room where E rules the roost.
I sneak past her to see Chewy and Oz, only to get fried by the invisible fence she has set up outside their cubes.
I try to walk in the warehouse in those yellow lines, and find myself singing, “Follow the yellow brick road”, while getting attacked by flying monkeys and other creatures from the “island.”
At last, at 5pm, I can walk out to the blue beast, hop in and say: “Home, James.” Too bad the beast only knows the road to San Jose and to 2 pubs in New Smithville. He drops me off, and drives around Berks county looking for Babe and the Blue Ox.
You know what? The next car I am going to get will not be recalled for continuing to drive when turned off. And it will have a key. Unless of course, it can pick me up in 90 minutes, from one of those New Smithville Pubs and drop me off at home: as a kinder, gentler, more idiotic chicken butt, with her bp holding steady.
One final note.
I am throwing out my bp machine.
I used to enjoy my life until I got one of those things.
The best way to measure your bp is the simplest!
Laugh, love, enjoy and have a few laughs!
And above all, remember to wear clean undies.