What a day!

Not a minute that didn’t titillate the senses.

Started out slowly:  One of those farm machines, on the road to work.

Of course  I was right behind that big old country bumpkin.

I tried to figure out what kind of machinery it was, and when I got bored with that, I looked at everything and anything I could see at 14 miles per hour.

For those of you who don’t know, I live in the boonies.

A normal 20 minute commute can last up to an hour, when the farm machines run the roads.

When I got to work, I was famished.  Ok. I wanted a blue berry waffle.

And then my boss said: “Hey I have dog nuts for you in my office.”

Being the wishy washy idiot that I am, I toasted 2 bb waffles and waltzed into Liz’s office to confiscate a jelly dog nut.

At 9am,I was on a sugar overload.

Fired up, wild and wooly, and on a roll.

Until 901am.

And then the day began.

Oh yeah. It was non stop.

It was vicious.


I had to stop at numerous check points, to eat a half of a brownie.

By noon, I knew I had picked the wrong week to stop being a sugar addict.

Those brownies? History.

There I was.  A bloated, stressed out, plucked chicken butt, getting deeper and deeper into the abyss.

Time out!

I flopped into my car, revved up the engine, like a deuce, in the middle of the night and headed for the local Chinese take out joint.

An indulgent lunch was all that was needed to put me over the edge.

I waddled back into work and found Pat twerking her ass off.

And Beaver, vowing to drink at least 2 bottles of the bubbly tonight.

And finally realized that I was just as ordinary as the rest of the goofs I work with.

So tonight, on this 18th day of November, I have arrived at the AA meeting:

“Hi. My name? Chicken Buttafucco.  And I am an amazing drunk.”

I looked around and realized that I was the only one there.

Geez!  I am the only damn drunk who bothered to show up and lay it all on the line.

So I did a little dance.

Sang a little song.

And took a few swigs from my flask.

Hightailed it home, changed into my pjs, set the alarm, and had a night cap.

Such a lovely day.

And guess what?

I get to do it all over again…. tomorrow.

Until then,






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