What a day!
Not a minute that didn’t titillate the senses.
Started out slowly: One of those farm machines, on the road to work.
Of course I was right behind that big old country bumpkin.
I tried to figure out what kind of machinery it was, and when I got bored with that, I looked at everything and anything I could see at 14 miles per hour.
For those of you who don’t know, I live in the boonies.
A normal 20 minute commute can last up to an hour, when the farm machines run the roads.
When I got to work, I was famished. Ok. I wanted a blue berry waffle.
And then my boss said: “Hey I have dog nuts for you in my office.”
Being the wishy washy idiot that I am, I toasted 2 bb waffles and waltzed into Liz’s office to confiscate a jelly dog nut.
At 9am,I was on a sugar overload.
Fired up, wild and wooly, and on a roll.
And then the day began.
Oh yeah. It was non stop.
It was vicious.
I had to stop at numerous check points, to eat a half of a brownie.
By noon, I knew I had picked the wrong week to stop being a sugar addict.
Those brownies? History.
There I was. A bloated, stressed out, plucked chicken butt, getting deeper and deeper into the abyss.
I flopped into my car, revved up the engine, like a deuce, in the middle of the night and headed for the local Chinese take out joint.
An indulgent lunch was all that was needed to put me over the edge.
I waddled back into work and found Pat twerking her ass off.
And Beaver, vowing to drink at least 2 bottles of the bubbly tonight.
And finally realized that I was just as ordinary as the rest of the goofs I work with.
So tonight, on this 18th day of November, I have arrived at the AA meeting:
“Hi. My name? Chicken Buttafucco. And I am an amazing drunk.”
I looked around and realized that I was the only one there.
Geez! I am the only damn drunk who bothered to show up and lay it all on the line.
So I did a little dance.
Sang a little song.
And took a few swigs from my flask.
Hightailed it home, changed into my pjs, set the alarm, and had a night cap.
Such a lovely day.
And guess what?
I get to do it all over again…. tomorrow.