Fabulous advice from an old chicken butt:

Too much sun will give you cancer, unless you have psoriasis.  Then, too much sun will give you cancer and you will still have psoriasis.

A $100 bottle of wine will not get you any higher than a $3 bottle of wine.

After making sausage and pepper sandwiches, it is a fact that the rolls have either increased in size or the sausages have shriveled up beyond hope.

A cat will eat baby rabbits.  What the heck? Why doesn’t the mother rabbit check out the vicinity before making her nest?

Never laugh while traveling on a bus.  The driver will kick you off.

Ghosts do exist.  Wink wink.

Never use a bug zapper in the rain.

Floss everyday.  But don’t try it on your cat.

Try not to laugh, when you shouldn’t. Not gonna happen.

Bottled beer is better than canned beer.

There is nothing more exciting that having your horse entered in a race.

A whoopee cushion should not be used when you have visitors in the work place.

Wearing a paper bag over your head can be considered outrageous.

If you mix Jameson with Jack or Screw Drivers, Confucious say:  You will hit the deck.

When you are walking and your pants fall off, you are an idiot.

Never trust a drunk chicken.

And finally, if it itches, scratch it.  Unless… well you know.








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