Hello Doctors in the Lehigh Valley:

I am looking for a new health provider.

May I list my requirements?

  1. Don’t order unnecessary tests for me.  I won’t take them.
  2. My family has no common theme, in their histories.  They died from a myriad of things.
  3. I will not take those bone strengthening pills.  After several years, my teeth started dissolving.
  4. I have a history of high blood pressure and panic disorder. Are you willing to prescribe the meds?
  5. I won’t schedule appointments, unless I decide it is necessary.
  6. I am sitting in the sun, to alleviate psoriasis, and to flood me with vitamin D. Don’t prescribe heavy doses of Vitamin D.  I won’t take it.
  7. My doctor or 24 years retired.  I wish he hadn’t.  I would schedule an appointment every 6 months or so, He would ask me if I wanted to take any tests or get a flu shot or whatever.  I always declined, letting him know that I am waiting for medical marijuana.
  8. I work full time.  I hate being sick.  I am a positive person, and when I have a problem, I will schedule an appointment.
  9. I stop every night for a night cap or two. Yes, I self medicate.
  10. I am an unusually silly person, who loves life, even in my twilight years.

If you like pina coladas….

Ok, wrong song.

If you want a new patient who could possibly be the worst one you have ever had, I’m the girl that you dreamed of……Meet me at a bar called O’Malleys, where we will plan our escape.

 

 

Wolf

 

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