I’m having a Lehigh Valley moment: A sinus attack.
Over the years, those who are natives of this area, have told me this is the sinus capital of the world.
Many rush to the Jersey shore, to breathe in the salty sea air.
Others have standing appointments with their doctors for shots and pills and sprays to relieve the nagging effects of the dreaded sinus condition.
Don’t ask me how I have managed, over the past 25 years, in this area, to escape the worst of the affliction.
I guess on the 26th year, I have finally succumbed to the Lehigh Valley Curse.
The sneezing is getting embarrassing.
Rather than conversation with my co workers, I hear, “Bless you” all day long.
The pounding headaches, the watery eyes, and the tooth aches, yes, the tooth aches, are all signs that I have now become a full fledged, suffering son of a chicken butt member of the Pennsylvania affliction.
Advice is rampant.
Take over the counter sinus meds.
No, I can’t. They make me crazy. I get wild and nervous and jittery.
Sniff salty water.
No thanks. I prefer glue.
Drink soothing tea.
Yeah. ok. How about some soothing vodka?
Don’t go outside when the pollen count is high.
Pollen count? High? Don’t talk to me about high. I am the queen of high.
Go to a support group.
I do. Every night. I attempt to find solutions. I have studied diligently. I have yet to pass the bar.
Suffer like everyone else, and shut the hell up.
Now you’re talking. Let’s get to the point. Let’s roll another joint.
And how will that relieve your sinus issues?
Let’s just say this about that: It doesn’t. But it sure makes life fun.