That is the atmospheric condition today.

Waiting for the sun to subside, so I can hang out in the soup, without getting scorched.

A rather sociable day of shopping, I must say.

The guy at the beer store:  “Bet you didn’t recognize me, did you?”

Thinking to self: “Geez, what the hell happened to him? Did he go bald overnight?”

Beer store guy: “Not wearing a hat today.”


“And what else is different about me?”

“Uhm… Glasses?”

30 minute dissertation on getting Lasix. And how, after 12 years, well, the eyes go back to being a mess.

Next: The lottery store:

“Hey  Chicken Butt!”

Oh no.  Why does she have to say it so loudly?

“Yeah?  It’s me. What?”

“Oh nothing.  Just wanted to say hi.”

Grocery store:

Cat guy in the pet aisle, hogging the space, picking out cans of cat food.

Me:  “Cats sure are picky about what they eat, aren’t they?”

20 minute rant about the difference between cats and dogs..

High tail it to the liquor store.

Male clerk: “Sure is hot in here. I am turning down the AC. These women are always so cold.  I told them to put on a coat if they are cold.”

Female clerk:  “I am freezing in here.  Excuse me while I get a sweater.”

I say, “Better make it a coat.  It’s about to get much colder.”

Stopped at the bar for breakfast.

Had a screw driver and cheesy garlic bread.

Oh no.  Here comes Carl.

60 minute dissertation on medical coverage/ retirement/arthritis/ungrateful wives and dogs that bite.

I finish my breakfast and pick up my car keys.

“You aren’t leaving already, are you?”

“Yeah. Carl.  I am.”

“So soon? I just ordered another beer.”

“Well, isn’t that special?  See you after your knee surgery, in the fall or whatever.”

Home at last.

No cold beer.


Throw one in the freezer.

A can rolls out of the freezer.

A beer frozen solid, from last night, or last year, or something like that.

Falls on my foot.

That’s it.

From now on, I am wearing steel toed shoes when I am home.

Turn on the TV.



Oh no, not for this chicken butt.

I grab my warm beer and go out in the soup.

Finally, a little peace, space and quiet.

Not so fast.

Here comes Half Pint.

“Oh Wow! Oh Wow! Oh Wow!  Oh Wow wow wowowowowowoow.”

I give up.









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