No broom needed

Over the river and through the woods, I went flying.
And that is without a broom.
The wind is ridiculous today.
Do I really want to go out?
Back inside I go.
Then the power goes out.
The only ones happy about that are the turkeys.
They got a temporary pardon.
Ooops. Forget that.
Those birds are dead with or without a power outage.
Secretly, I am happy as a clam.
I get another day to read, watch parades, football, and old movies.
I loaded up on goodies yesterday, and began the munching marathon.
The only thing I am missing is lefse from Minnesota, so I immediately order that online.
What am I thankful for this year?
To be alive in this amazing, crazy, magical world, where dreams come true, if you believe.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!


Guilt free living

Things I have learned over the years.
1. Never wait until the day before Thanksgiving to thaw a frozen bird.
2. If you are a widow, chances are you will believe that your departed spouse was a saint, in spite of reality.
3. Take a day off from your normal routine, just because you want to.
4. Keep your inner child alive.
5. Go somewhere new every year.
6. Listen more. Talk less. Laugh often.
7. Lose yourself in a good book.
8. When in doubt, don’t do it.
9. Hang out with positive people.
10. If you feel sick, kick back, stay home and rest.

Yesterday, I took my own advice. After eating breakfast at my favorite diner, I had a list of things I wanted to do. However, I felt out of whack. Headache, groggy, weak, and just plain lousy.
It was time to give myself a day of rest.
Hello pajamas and old Bette Davis movies.
Not sure if I am back to my old self, but if not, I will be calling time out until I am ready to spring back.
That leads to one more thing that I have learned.
11. It is not selfish to take care of your self. It is a requirement for achieving happiness.


Questions on blogging

For my fellow bloggers, questions:
Do you get ready to write, and nothing pops in your head? ( Except maybe your weasel.)
Do you get lazy and skip a few days? And wonder why am I dong this?
What if you feel you have nothing to say?
And then, after procrastinating, you sit down and start.
You have no idea what you are going to say.
You don’t have an original thought in your deranged mind.
You get up from the computer and grab a beer.
Then another.
Suddenly, your mind believes that you are either the wisest person alive, or the craziest.
And the words flow, making little or no sense.
But oh, so interesting!
At least for the moment.
Not so much the next day, when you read what you have published.
What a hot mess!
What the hell is wrong with me?
But as the day wears on, you forget all about that and sit down to write.
The mind goes blank.
Back to the same old questions.
Am I lazy, crazy or both?
I have a few beers left.
And the words tumble out, creating another masterpiece.
You see, life is like a blog. It starts with an empty page and develops into the nonsensical craziness called madness.
Remember this quote?
“Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice: I’m afraid so. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”


Memories of an American tragedy

November 22: A day to remember.
JFK and Camelot: gone.
Vivid images of a young high school girl, witnessing the horror in real time.

Walter Cronkite.
Breaking news: The president is dead.

Huddling around the TV with family, while the story unfolded.
The open convertible.
Jackie’s pink suit, covered in blood.
The grassy knoll.
Dallas Book Repository.
It continued on and on, over the next 3 days.
Lee Oswald.
Jack Ruby.
LBJ sworn in during the flight to DC.
The drums, and the caisson with the flag draped casket.
The viewing and funeral.
Jackie and Bobby lighting the eternal flame.
John Jr saluting his father’s casket.
The nation, weeping.
Innocence lost.

Memories, indelibly etched in my mind.
November 22, 1963.


An experiment in behavior modification

Fact: Drinking ice tea all afternoon keeps one awake at night.
I was smug and condescending “Hey! Look at me. I am not drinking today. I know I will have a good night’s sleep.”
I felt compelled to try abstaining, so see if my behavior would change.
It didn’t.
It was, in fact, a raucous, crazy night, with the regulars.
The most heard question: “What the heck are you drinking tonight?”
Reply: “Iced tea.”
Retort: “Yeah, right. Sure you are.”
Conclusion: The experiment failed.
Abstinence is over-rated.
So are some other things, like making the bed every morning.
It actually feels much better diving into a surrogate pool of quilts and blankets.
Same with washing dishes.
Buy paper plates.
It only takes a few seconds to clean up, which leaves more time for the important stuff of life, like attempting to determine the cause and effect of behavior modification….. and all that jazz.
Therefore, it is my theory that if my behavior remains staic whether drinking iced tea or alcohol, and the result is the same, except for being able to fall asleep, then Iced tea has more negative effects than alcohol on my life.
Case closed.
No contest.
Meet me at the bar in an hour.


Really? At 5am?

I am a world class dummy.
Woke up this morning, pondering this:
God and good.
Devil and evil.
Therefore, God vs the devil is a play on the words good vs evil.
Or is it?
Seems so simple, and unlikely that I should have just now thought about it.
Only one “letter” separates the difference in the words, yet they are distinctly opposites.
It is more likely, in reality, that the 2 are closely related.
We are all capable of good and of evil behavior, and when one believes in God, the devil also exists.
I wonder sometimes if I am getting crazier as I age.
Where do these thoughts come from at 5am?
Now I remember!
It’s my Fairy Godmother, whispering in my ear. And she’s drunk again.


Wish list

What’s on your list?
Not for Santa.
Your list “before you die”.
Mine changes as I grow older.
At one time, I wanted to live in NYC in a pent house.
And travel to foreign countries, as well as every state in the US.
I wanted to meet Tom Petty.
And to drive a brand new car.
Well, I am not living in NYC. I visit occasionally, however, and usually a weekend wears me out. I love being there, but prefer a gentler, rural area for living.
Foreign countries? I did manage to go to Colombia, which was an eye opener. So much poverty, kids living on the street and military everywhere, lookin for drugs.
On a trip to Tahiti, I hung out too long in the sun and got sun poisoning. The people were friendly, the food was great, and the scenery spectacular. However, the guys over there thought it would be nice to visit a rich lady in America, and decided I should take them home with me. They thought all ladies in the USA were rich. No way on both thoughts.
I have visited almost every state in the union. Each state has its own beauty as well as issues. For now, I am content with Pennsylvania, and look forward to each season. Yes, even winter.
Tom Petty died. But he was a friend on Facebook. I have a feeling it was not Tom, but his staff, who befriended me, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
I have a new car now, every 3 years. Leasing is the way to go for old people. Who needs to worry about car repairs at my age?
Now for my new bucket list:
Maintain good health
Socialize with friends.
And finally, to remember: It isn’t true that you only live once. Rather, you die only once. You live everyday.


7 deadly defects

Do you ever think about your weaknesses and laugh about them?
Unless you are perfect, of course.
Far from it.
On my detoxification day, I made a list of my top 7 weaknesses, and unless I change my behavior, they will continue to drive everyone crazy.
In no particular order…
1. Irrationality: Example: If it is raining, snowing, freezing, blistering hot or cloudy, I will use the weather as an excuse to wander aimlessly, seeking asylum at a convenient watering hole.
2. Lack of planning: Example: Don’t ask me if I would like to go to dinner, a movie, lunch, shopping or anything at all, unless it is right now. I can’t see the forest for the trees.
3. Insane humor: Example: I find humor in just about anything, resulting in the absurdity of my existence.
4. Naivety, especially when it comes to people. It doesn’t matter, who, what, where or when, if I see someone I don’t know, I will attempt to engage them in conversation, to the point of ad nauseum.
5. Extroversion: Something happened on the way to adulthood. I started out as a shy, quiet church mouse. And now? Obnoxiousness reigns supreme.
6. Independence: I wonder if this is really a weakness or a strength? I no longer look for a knight in shining armor to take care of me. Give me liberty or give me death. Freedom, baby, is where it’s at.
7. Lazy, Yes, lazy as hell. I prefer to call it “taking it easy in my golden years, and loving it.”


Take me out back…..

Notice: There will be no public appearance by the Chicken Butt today.
It is one of those “You better behave today, because you have a doctor appointment early tomorrow.”
If I get dressed, it will all fall apart and I will be raring to go, wild and crazy.
I am taking extra vitamin D pills this week, in preparation for the usual routine:
Tomorrow morning: My physical exam:
Question one: have you updated your health profile? (yes)
Question two: Are you taking your medications? (sometimes)
Three: Are you having any new issues with your healh? (No)
Four: You haven’t had these tests lately….. would you like to schedule them now? (Absolutely not)
Five: Do you want a flu shot? (ok)
Six: I have to ask these questions: Do you feel safe at home? Do you ever think about hurting yourself? Have you fallen and couldn’t get up?”
(Well, almost everyday I ask my friends: Will you take me out back and shoot me?”)
Seven: Do you think this is funny? (Hilarious)
Eight: Did you eat today? (Who are you, Sam?)
Nine: We need to send you to the lab. ( For another lobotomy, I suppose)
Ten: I need to schedule a follow up visit in 3 months. Would you like to do that now? (Hell no. I don’t even know what I am doing tomorrow.)
And for that, I am detoxing for a day.
On second thought, I just might get dressed.



To be or not to be….. cold, that is.
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the freezing temps or to endure the deep sorrow of those who wait for the appearance of the forsaken chicken butt is the question.
Living in the moment, I choose to hang out in my robe and pjs for awhile, contemplating my navel, just as Omphaloskepsis suggested, as an aid to meditation.
Yes, I am sitting like a Buddha, focusing on drinking a Colorado Bull Dog.
Doggone it Cooter Kathy, I am hooked.
I peer out the window.
I think I see snow flakes flying.
An irresistible urge overcomes me: raisin french toast with bacon.
Let it snow, as they say, in Minnesota: Ya, you betcha.
Time to get dressed, grab my broom, and fly to the diner, for my favorite breakfast.
After which, I will contemplate on that @%@#%@#%#@% bull dog, until I succumb to its magical appeal.