Being old is a wonderful thing.
After all, I have met some of the most interesting people who have lived in the past century or two.
Take, for example, Winston Churchill.
Let’s face it: He was so famous that a cigarette was named in his honor.
Abe Lincoln: Yes, people are still driving Lincolns, but don’t ask me why.
Dracula: He was such a drama queen. I finally had to get rid of his ass by wearing a garlic necklace.
Richard Nixon: Yes, my friends, he was a crook.
Napoleon: There is nothing more creepy than a short guy, with his hand in his shirt.
King Tut: When we dated, I had a difficult time calling him Tut. So I called him Tutu for short and he said: “don’t mess with my tutu.”
Nostradamus: Strangely reminiscent of the more modern day Pink Floyd.
Adam and Eve: Those two were a hoot, eating apples and talking to snakes.
George Washington: I was in the cherry tree when he cut it down. When I asked him why, he said: “All I want for Christmas is my two wooden teeth.”
And finally, Beelzebub, who finally got respect from Mick Jagger, who was pleased to meet him after hanging out with Keith for 50 years.