The Autumn Years Rest Home : Monday November 21.
Ms Ratcher, the Director addressed the group at breakfast.
“This year, we are having our traditional Thanksgiving dinner. How many will be dining? We need a head count.”
“Can we bring guests?”
“Well, yes, one guest per resident, please.”
“But I have 4 grandchildren. Can’t they come? They don’t eat much.”
“No, Frank, only one guest per resident.”
“What are you serving?”
“Turkey, of course, mashed potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce, and of course, stuffing.”
“Any sweet potatoes? I love sweet potatoes.”
“No, not this year. We decided to serve brussel sprouts instead.”
“But I don’t like brussel sprouts. I want sweet potatoes.”
“Well, Gordon, this year, no sweet potatoes.”
“Yes, Minnie, pumpkin pie.”
“No pecan pie? I don’t like pumpkin pie.”
“No, Minnie, only pumpkin this year.”
“What about the stuffing? Is it going into the turkey? Or is it one of those side dishes?”
“It is a side dish, Wolf. Stuffing the bird is no longer acceptable. It is not safe.”
“What do you mean it isn’t safe? I have been eating stuffing in the bird for close to 80 years. It hasn’t killed me yet.”
“Well, we don’t want to kill you off this year, either. You have been very lucky. We are sticking to the safe method. Side dish of stuffing.”
“Are you brining the bird?”
“Brining? Have you been watching the cooking channel again Mary Cat? No, no brining.”
“But brining is healthy. It is … uhm…uhm..holistic.”
“Sorry Mary C, no, we are not brining.”
“Are you serving wine?”
“You know we don’t allow alcohol here at the home, George.”
“Then how about weed? I happen to know that is the drug of your choice, Ms. Ratchet.”
“Don’t go there, George. Now, let’s see a head count. How many will be dining with our family this year?”
Everyone raised their hands.
“Great. Thanks! I will let the cook know we will have a full house.”
“Hey Minnie, why did you raise your hand? You never stay here for Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact, non of you do, now that I recall.”
The group took Wolf aside.
“Hey you goof, none of us is eating here on Thanksgiving. We just want leftovers on Friday. Gordon is making sweet potatoes and Minnie is baking a pecan pie. So bring a couple bottles of wine, Wolf, and we will have our T day, to our liking.”
Never underestimate the cunning of Seniors.