“It was quite the day, Minnie. Not to mention the pain and suffering.”
“I assume you went to the doctor, right?”
“Oh yeah. When he came into the room and said, ‘I don’t think you will like you what I have to tell you….’ I laid down and waited for the final blow. But it seems I will live to see another day or two.”
“So what is wrong with you Wolf?”
“I have what is known in chili circles as kidney beans.”
“Huh?”
“Kidney stones, Minnie. My kidney is loaded with the damn things. Now I have to go for tests, to verify what I already know. And I have to drink that damn cranberry juice. I offered an alternative, red wine, but all he said was, ‘nice try.'”
“Well, we all get old, Wolf, and you are no spring chicken.”
“Wait a minute, Minnie. These damn stones are no bigger than a dot, and yet, they are playing havoc with my life. I am going to blow those stones out of my system and get on with my amazing life.”
“How?”
“I have heard that pregnant women will ride a horse or a roller coaster to get the kid out. And the kid is a lot bigger than a dot of a kidney stone, so tomorrow, let’s go to Dorney Park and ride, baby, ride.”
“Dorney Park is closed, you idiot, for the winter.”
“Then let’s ride, baby ride, a horse and to hell with a cowboy.”
“I think you are blowing smoke up your ass, again Wolf. You have to admit the truth, you are loaded.”
“Loaded?”
“Yeah, with kidney beans. I mean stones. And as if with all old folk, this is the beginning of the end. And quite an end, for you. Stoned. What a fitting ending for a pot head.”
“Now, wait just one minute Minnie. I refused the pain meds. I am a stoic survivor.”
“Sure you are. You are hoping Pennsylvania will legalize pot, so you can alleviate the pain with your weed of choice.”
“Oh Minnie, you soothsayer, you wise old owl, you wizard of all wizards. Let the stoning be the harbinger of good things to come.”
“Well, Wolf, I must say, you find the positive in very strange ways. But let me ask you this: What are you going to do about these stones?”
“I am gonna let them roll, girl, roll. Besides, I have hear that cranberry juice laced with Malbec is a natural cure. If the stones don’t flush, who cares?”
“That’s where we differ, Wolf. I am a realist. If I had stones, I would be concerned, worried, anxious, and devastated.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. The eternal pessimist, that’s what you are. And then there is that blue hair.”
“Wolf, are you ok?”
“Let’s just say that I as long as I am feeling the pain, I am still alive and kicking.”
“What’s that in your glass? Cranberry juice?”
“Yes, Minnie, cranberry juice.”
Wolf