I think a duck is stalking this place.

Decided to change my persona depending on what I was doing today.

Blood test:  Went as a bear:  Coat, hat and attitude.

Liquor store:  Shed my bear coat and changed into a white furry coat with a polar bear hat.  Where’s the vodka?

Grocery store:  No coat, walked in like it was spring.  I had to stay away from the frozen food section.

Bar:  White coat, chicken hat.

The patrons swore they saw a duck stalking the place.

Guess what? It was just chicken butt.

2nd bar:  Chicken again.  No one even blinked.

Could it be that I no longer amuse the senses of the public?

I ordered a chicken sandwich and then, on second thought, changed it to a duck ala orange.  Huh?  Ok make it a meatball sandwich.

Had to turn the car around, in the driveway from hell, in case of snow tomorrow.

Chicken Butt did a lousy job, so I quickly changed into my bear outfit and immediately fell asleep, eating a meatball.

Damn hibernating habits.

Stumbled up the stairs, leaving the bear and chicken to fend for themselves, in the car.

Qickly changed into my  one piece, with feet, teletubbie outfit and my hello kitty robe.

I have been diagnosed with a multiple personality disorder, with a vitamin D deficiency.

I don’t know where I am, who I am, and what I am.

I wonder how much orange juice I need to drink to be normal again?

I hope it doesn’t snow too much tomorrow, so the bear can drive me and the chicken to the pub, for our daily dose.

And this time, we will take our invisible rabbit with us.

Harvey suffers from the same thing I do.

What?  No, not a vitamin D deficiency.  He just happens to love screw drivers, with no orange juice, please.





Would you trust a ground hog with pink panties on her head?

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

I can’t possibly write about this morning.

What the hell?

Why not?

Here it goes.

Got to work.

Took off my shoes.

Put on my steel toed shoes.

What the heck is that hanging out of my jeans?

Oh no!  Panties.

Yes.  Panties.

Where did they come from?

Grabbed them, stuffed them in my desk and sat back in my chair, and laughed.

What if I had not noticed them?

I would be walking around all day with panties dragging behind me.

Was this a harbinger of things to come on this wild and wacky Friday?

It was.

From the ridiculous to the insane, the day was one hell of a hoot.

The panties incident was burning up the day.  And burning up the night.

I had to tell someone.

How about everyone?

Did anyone really believe it?

At 5pm, my panties were in my desk drawer.

I grabbed them and wore them on my head, along with my ground hog hat and coat.

Oh, by the way, I saw my shadow.

And, as the workers droned out of the building, I gave them all a high five, and waved my panties at them.

If only I had remembered to take those damn panties off my head when I stopped for a night cap.

OMG.  It’s the ground hog again, drinking doubles with a pair of pink panties on her head.

Oh what a night.  Late December back in 63.  No…. late February in 2015.

What a lady, what a night.




It’s a great day to be alive

Thursday Feb 26.

Ice in Atlanta?

Snow in North Carolina?

40 degrees in Alaska?

So the world turns.

George Ben Clooney an acting director?  Way to go, you hunk a hunk of burning love.

Rachael ate lunch?  Wow!  Rachael never eats lunch.  Thanks, Scottie, for capturing this amazing event in living color. Let’s share that in our next town nall meeting.

Left 2 minutes early from work.  Had to make an emergency run to the liquor store.

Celebrated Shannon’s promotion with her friends.  Best wishes, Princess.

Deb made a spectacular pineapple cake with coconut frosting.  Delicious!

2nd coldest February in history in Pennsylvania.  And more to come tomorrow.

Half Pint, the moose of a cat started eating again.  What would I do without you Pinty?

2 VIP orders, almost impossible to produce, were completed and shipped.  I could not be more proud of the people I work with.

Do you watch the Walking Dead and hear those weird screaming noises?  I heard those noises today when I had to PP.  What the hell?  That new flushless toilet in the ladies room is down right frightening.  Screech!   I wonder.  Is it a malfunction?  Or is my hind end that scary?  Don’t answer that.

I woke up this morning, and decided to adjust my attitude.  It was going to be a wonderful day.

And it was.








When dusk sets in,  nature shows her splendor.

Subdued pastels light up the sky.

Silhouettes of the landscape, with dark, naked trees against the white snow and blue skies.

A peaceful feeling.

A fleeting few moments, not to be missed.

Beauty does surround us, even on a cold winter day.

I am awestruck.

I stop the car, get out and take it all in.

I forget about my hectic day.

Dusk turns to darkness, as a fawn crosses the road.

I ask myself:  Do I  realize how much I may have missed, by looking but not seeing?

And I realize that the ordinary becomes the extraordinary, on a winter’s night, at dusk.







Levity and nonsense

What the world needs now is a little bit of levity and nonsense.

In the middle of a stressful day, who can resist a wacky lunatic who rumbles through the abyss, and emerges as a mad hatter?

Some say it is just a need for recognition.

I say, it is a need for relief.

A young employee was walking into the building, on his way to the 2nd shift.

He had his head down and looked despondent.

Before he could swipe his card, to get into the door, an ancient cougar said, “Hi.  How you doing, you hunk a hunk of burning love?”

I saw a hint of a smile on his face, as he rapidly swiped his badge and got the heck away from the deranged old bag.

A petite girl walked by.

“Hi!  Gee you look so pretty today.  Wait!  Didn’t I see you last night at the academy awards?”

She broke out in a wide smile.

Gee.  She really is a natural beauty.

It really doesn’t take much effort to acknowledge others.  You just have to be observant, to recognize those who need it.

Actually, we all need it.

But to get it, you have to give it.

And once you do, that young boy and petite girl will reach out to others.

And so bonding begins.

Breaking the ice is all it takes.

Along with a little bit of levity and nonsense.



Never underestimate the cougar, who “bears” it all

A woman dressed as a bear walked into a bar.

Shots were ordered.

Glasses were raised and clunked.

What the hell kind of outfit is that, Wolf?

Where did you get that hat?

Don’t you know it is bear hunting season?

I will have you know this hat was on sale for $7.99, at the grocery store.

Can you get anymore ridiculous?

It was a toss up, between a lion  and the bear.

Why didn’t you get the ensemble?

Yeah, I might just pick up the lion, the tiger and the beaver.

I think you should consider the cougar.

The cougar was sold out, back ordered.

Oh?  Sounds like a commentary on our society.  Cougars are running rampant, preying on unsuspecting cubs.

Haven’t you heard of a wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing?

If it walks like a wolf, and talks like a wolf, it most likely is a wolf.

Think again, boys.  If it looks like a bear , walks like a bear and talks like a bear, it just could be a cougar.

I better have another drink before I  can begin to understand that.

Ok if I join you?

Why not?

Hey big boy, are you loaded for bear?






What happened to my feet?

Woke up before 4am this morning.

It was actually too warm in the house.

So strange, after I was freezing yesterday.

A great respite:  40 degrees today.

Since when did I celebrate 40 degree temps?

It was  65 degree difference from last Monday, when it was -25.

It’s predicted that the arctic blast will resurface tonight.

Yeah?  So what?  Right now, I am toasty.

Even the cat went out today.

He was a little miffed when he saw the snow.

Who wasn’t?

I asked him if he wanted to wear my bear coat, and he declined.

I wonder if they make boots for cats.

Speaking of boots, none of mine fit.

What happened to my feet?

They are growing like a weed.

Don’t get me started on weed.

The last time I had a doctor appointment, I asked if I was a candidate.

She laughed.

I hate it when a doctor doesn’t take me seriously.

But then, most people don’t.

Could it be that the past two winters have caused my brain to freeze over?

Do you know what it’s like to have a frozen brain, boots that don’t fit, and a hateful cat?

Get this:  Pat’s bees are humming, in spite of the cold.

A bee has more brains than I do.

I wonder if their feet grow?

Or do bees have feet?

I heard that bumble bees are ergonomically not equipped to fly, but they do.

I bet they are on weed.



11 bags

Walked in at 11am.

She had it ready.

“Hey, it’s snowing already.”

No one in the place, except for the Chicken Butt.

“Where is everyone?”

“Uhm….. home?  It’s snowing, you idiot.”

Oh great.  Now I have to carry 11 bags of groceries upstairs, in the snow.

Better have another.

Snowing like crazy.

In walks the village idiot.

“Nice hat.  New?”

“Yes.  A grizzly bear hat with mittens.  Like it?”

“What’s that on top?”

“What?  Oh that.  I didn’t have anything to cut the tags off.”

“Quite tacky, actually.”

“So what?  It was on sale, half price.”

“My opinion?  Whatever you paid for it, it was too much.”

“Thank you for sharing that.  When you are done with your drink, I think I will take you out back and shoot you.”

“Are you kidding?  You aren’t going anywhere soon.  We will be stranded here.  If there is any place I want to be stranded, it is here.”

“Well, I have 11 bags that I have to deliver, so I am venturing out.”

“11 bags?  Are you one of them?”

“Yup.  I am the mother of all bags.”

“What’s your name, Mother Bag?”

“Chicken Buttafucco. What’s yours?”

“Richard Johnson-Head.

“Nice meeting you, Dick Head.”

“Thanks.  Will I see you again?”

“Oh yeah.  Out back.”




Get the heck out.


Siss boom bah.

Coldness, coldness, rah rah rah.

Let’s all cheer.

And never fear.

For the end of winter is very near.

30 days hath September, April June and November.

30 days til we no longer remember

These brutally cold nights and days

When old Man Winter gives up his ways

And we bask in the warmth of the spring time rain.

And wait for the flowers to ease the pain.

Oh winter, how you love to create a fuss

You bring out the best and the worst in  all of us.

Tis the season for reflection on the life we are living

We renew, meditate, and think about giving.

Our lives are like the changing seasons.

Each is unique and has its own reasons.

But winter, oh winter, why are you lingering on?

I can’t wait til you are gone.





To dance or not to dance?

Let’s dance.

Let’s fight.

Let’s duke it out.

Sometimes, life is a dance.

You disagree.

You fume.

How could she? or he?

Simmering…. smoldering… but never surfacing.

In time, complete avoidance.

You let those feelings control you.

Check mate.

There is no resolution.

All consuming.

Communication?  Non existent.

Harboring old feelings that turn inward.


Disruptive behavior.

Sarcastic barbs.

Turn the screw.

Kill the beast.

Who suffers?

You feel sick.

You feel unproductive.

Negativity sets in.

You blame the monster.

Oh yes, relationships do make a difference.

The solution?




Moving on.

You are not going to change another person.

But you can change your approach to others.

Open up.

Be who you are.

Express your feelings.

Find a common bond.


Agree to disagree.

Set expectations.

To gain control, give up control.

Your health, happiness and life depend on it.

In the end, is it all about that person?  Or is it all about you?

Or could it be that it is all about both of you?

End the madness.

Take the first step.

Clear the air.

Free your spirit.

It’s up to you.

We don’t have to like on another, or to agree with one another.

But those who find a way to work with one another, whatever the differences, are those who are happiest and successful.