Hello kiddies, friends, coworkers and you old goats:
To honor spring time, I am devoting this newsletter to all of you, as a kinder, gentler season approaches.
Let us begin with the suggestion box. We have 10 suggestions, some pretty good, some ridiculous, and others down right stupid, but being the humanitarian that I am, I am taking the time to review each and every one of them.
1. I am Irish. Can I have St Pat’s day off?
Answer: No. Just wear green, eat your cabbage and suck it up. And, please do not use the microwave in the office to heat up that damn stinky cabbage.
2. Can we have a daily pot luck?
Answer: We do. Just raid the refrigerator. By the way, Miranda brought in a new bottle of hot sauce.
3. I am getting old and need a seeing eye dog. Can I bring him in?”
Answer: Dogs are too needy. Get a seeing eye cat and we will reconsider.
4. Why are so many people leaving the back room?
Answer: Obviously, you don’t work there.
5. The sales people, especially the navigators, are mean and nasty to me. I heard one of them call me an idiot.
Answer: They have inside information: They all used to work here, with you. But don’t worry, in a few months, they will forget they ever worked here.
6. I hate this suggestion box.
Answer: I don’t much care for you either. So there.
7. My badge isn’t working. I can’t get in.
Answer: I have heard some mighty ridiculous reasons for being late, but this one tops the list. If you are late one more time, you will be terminated. And if you are, remember to turn in your badge.
8. I tried to donate blood for the blood drive, but I missed the bus.
Answer: If that is you Wolf, quit using that “missed the bus” excuse. And give up the bear disguise. We all know it is you.
9. The belts in the warehouse are squeaking and driving me to drink.
Answer: I happen to enjoy the squeaking. It drives me to drink also. Why do you think I work here?
10. When will drug testing resume?
Answer: Why do you want to know? Just one suggestion: Get a transfer to Colorado with the rest of us.