Blizzard on a sunny day

“Hey, you go back to work tomorrow.”

“Yup.”

“Are you looking forward to it, Wolf?”

“Get over here, Minnie.  I want to beat the @5@@%@ out of you.”

“Look on the bright side of things.  At least you will get dressed.  I am getting tired of seeing you in that hello kitty robe.”

“If you must know, I am totally prepared to go back to work.  I even packed my lunch.”

“Oh?  Like what?”

“A can of Campbell’s creamy chicken alfredo.”

“I know you won’t eat it.  You will check with the girls and ask the age old question:  ‘Anyone going out for lunch?'”

“And my car is cleaned off of the snow and ice, so I am ready to roll.”

“I saw you out there trying to get that ice burg off the top.  How did you finally manage that?”

“As you know, after shopping, I always stop for a few beverages.  Well, I jumped in the car, heard a rumble and my windshield was covered with ice and snow.  I was half in the bag, so I thought I was in the middle of a blizzard. My 4 wheel drive kicked in, but the damn wipers were shot.”

“Oh for crazy!”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be in a blizzard on a sunny day.”

“It is supposed to be a little warmer tomorrow, so you can skip those crazy hats of yours.”

“No way.  I have the bi-polar bear hat, the perky penguin hat and the reindeer hat already packed, along with that dumb can of Campbell’s alfredo.”

“I’m impressed. Sounds like you are raring to go.”

“Actually, I can’t wait to work the next 2 weeks.”

“Wow!  What’s up with that?”

“Vacation Minnie.  I have another vacation in 2 weeks.   Go ahead. Make my day. Ask me if I am prepared for that.”

 

Wolf

 

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Wine: Balance, length, depth, complexity, finish and feet

Hello fellow bloggers, boogers and the occasional behemoth.

It has been said:  never write when you are feeling tipsy.

Whoever said that, never wrote.

Sometimes it takes a village or better yet, a bottle of the stomped grape, to get one to sit down and write.

Can you imagine?  The fruit of the vine, demolished by numerous pairs of feet, in a vat?

We sniff it, taste it, and let it breathe, never considering that what we might be relishing, could be a simple foot fetish.

Do you, on occasion, sniff your toes?

Do you really bend down and wash your feet when you are showering?

Do you walk around the house without slippers?  And without socks?

Have you looked at the bottom of your feet lately?

Are you so fat that you cannot even see your feet?

Do you wear old sneakers that have a snarky odor?

Do you have at least 20 pairs of socks, and can only find one of each pair?

Have you ever waited until your coworker fell asleep at his/her desk, sneaked up, and stole their socks?

Do you get home from work, undress, and run around in only your socks?

Do your cats prefer your socks to catnip?

Is your favorite fish sockeye salmon?

Do you use a corkscrew?  Or your toes to uncork a bottle of wine?

Do you find red foot prints all over the house after you imbibe?

If so, sit down, relax and write a blog.

And quit soaking your toes in your wine glass.

 

Wolf

 

 

Doing what comes naturally

A vacation:

Sometimes, an exotic destination.

The opportunity to work around the house, tending to those neglected tasks.

Perhaps visiting friends and family.

Scheduling appointments that are overdue.

Preparing for the holidays.

Long walks and bubble baths.

Getting pampered.

Shopping when the stores aren’t crowded.

Attending a special occasion.

Sleeping until you feel like getting up.

Or can it be like my vacation?

Up at 5am every day.

To hell with that “to do” list.

Bombarded with calls and emails from health care providers.

Walk?  It snowed.  And it’s cold.  Give me my robe.

Appointments?  No way.  Later, gator.

Holiday preparation?  Hell, I still have the a few angels and snowmen on the table from last year.

Shopping?  The liquor store was jammed.

Exotic destinations?  Oh yeah.  Trips from my computer chair to the refrig.

Pampered?  Not me, my cats.

Are you thinking:  She blew it, wasted a week of bliss, to do whatever she felt like doing?

Exactly.

And I would do it again.

 

Wolf

 

 

 

 

 

Save the whales and the turkeys

“Wow!  Thanksgiving is a busy day.  All that preparation and cooking and then in 15 minutes, it’s a mad dash to the couch.”

“Yeah, and then all the dishes, and where in the heck do you put those leftovers?”

“I’m exhausted, just thinking about it.”

“But the best part are the turkey sandwiches the next day.”

“Yes! With cranberry sauce.”

“Maybe you should have reconsidered and cooked this year, Wolf.”

“I bought turkey from the deli.  If you want a sandwich, go get it, girl.”

“Don’t you feel a little bit sad that you didn’t slave over the bird, dressing and the trimmings all day?”

“Heck no!  It took me 30 minutes to get dinner together:  prime rib roast, baked potatoes and asparagus, all in one roaster, in the oven.  And 90 minutes later, it was ready and delicious.  No leftovers, the dishes are done, and I am relaxing with a bottle of wine.”

“What kind of Thanksgiving is that?”

“It’s what I call a new tradition, Minnie.  If you have watched the news lately, the president pardoned a turkey.  I have a feeling after all those turkeys were cooked today, turkeys might be an endangered species.  I am protecting the environment.”

“Are you saying you will never roast another turkey?”

“Heck no. The grocery stores will be selling the left over birds at half price this week.  Let’s have one next Sunday.”

 

Wolf

A B C D or W?

“Geez, Minnie, 3 days off and I was on the phone constantly.”

“For what?”

“Health care.  Never get old, Minnie.  Medicare is no picnic.”

“Don’t you just sign up and that is that?”

“It’s a government thing.  There is Medicare A, B, C and D.  All I wanted was to sign up for D.  So I called and they said “Oh, you have to find a provider to get Medicare D.  But first you have to have A and B.  And we take the money out of your check.  And by the way, we only pay 80% of your bills.  So if you have an emergency and end up in surgery and the bill is $100,000, you only have to pay $20,000.”

“What the heck is part D?”

“Prescription coverage.  You know what?  My blood pressure and cholesterol pills are peanuts next to what will happen if I don’t take C.”

“Did they sign you up?”

“No.  They told me I had to find an advantage plan or a supplement plan. And that is how I have spent my vacation days.”

“How did you decide?”

“I applied at first for an advantage plan, then I cancelled that and got a supplement plan.  If you take an advantage plan, you give up your medicare coverage to a private supplier, and in this country, you can’t be sure that the insurance will be accepted.  However, if you keep A and B, you cannot be denied by doctors or hospitals.  So I opted for plan F.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You aren’t the only one.  Between being put on hold and talking to various providers, I am exhausted and I have cauliflower ear.”

“That sounds serious, cauliflower ear.  Is that covered?”

“Probably not.  I guess I should have taken the cauliflower plan, but I am not going to talk to one more person today.  I am going with plan W.”

“Where do you get that?”

“At the liquor store, you idiot.  I am opening plan W now.  And guess what?  No cork screw needed.  It’s a twist off.  It’s easy to open, easy to buy, great to drink and not expensive.  Thank God the government is not in the liquor business.”

 

 

Wolf

 

 

The common denominator

 

Remember the 60s?

Racial dissention.

Police brutality.

Demonstrations.

Looting.

Hell no, we won’t go.

Drugs.

Peace and love.

Charlie Manson.

Assassinations.

Kent State.

Vietnam.

Flower children.

Communes.

Today, in 2014:

Racial dissention.

Terrorists.

Nuclear weapons.

Ferguson, MO.

School shootings.

Afghanistan.

Ebola.

World wide hunger.

ISIS.

 

It’s almost too much to think about.

We retreat into our lives.

We watch football.

We work.

We pamper our children and pets.

We pay our electric bills and mortgages.

We shop for groceries, to feed our families.

We can’t live without a cell phone.

We celebrate traditions and the holidays.

 

This week, on Thanksgiving, we will give thanks for our families, our friends and our blessings.

And we turn off the news of the state of the world.

For at least one day, we will escape to a better place.

Enjoy and embrace every moment.

Whether you were around in the 60s or not, there is one thing that has not changed:  The joy of this special holiday, and all its wonderful memories.

 

 

Wolf

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turkey for two?

“How was your day off, Wolf?”

“Ridiculous.  I spent half the day on the phone, on hold, waiting to sign up for a health plan.”

“Hmm.  So you lost your benefits, eh?  Why do companies do that to old people?”

“Money, honey.  They figure old people get sick and they don’t want to be stuck with the bill.”

“You know, if you didn’t get sick, you wouldn’t need insurance.”

“How insightful, Minnie.”

“Are you ready for Thanksgiving, Wolf?”

“No.  I have been giving it some thought, and I don’t want a turkey this year.”

“What the hell?”

“I have always had turkey and all that stuff on Thanksgiving, and I wonder why.”

“Because of the pilgrims.”

“They didn’t roast a turkey, you idiot. They had no refrigerators to store the left over bird, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and dressing.  And how the heck do you roast a turkey on a fire pit?”

“I can’t believe you would forego a traditional favorite of yours and not cook a turkey.  I thought you liked turkey.”

“Yes, but if I recall last year, we had turkey for a week.  I pigged out every day on left overs and blew up like a blimp.  Why don’t they sell small turkeys?  For 2 people?”

“We could go out and eat.”

“Not this year.  Snow storm on the way.”

“How can that be?  It is 70 degrees right now.”

“So who says we have to wait for Thursday to celebrate?  Why don’t we take a drive to Reading, PA tomorrow, have a nice dinner and see their Christmas tree.”

“Are you kidding?  It’s all over the news.  Reading has the ugliest tree in the history of the free world.”

“Ok, here’s the plan: Tomorrow is shopping day.  I will hit the liquor store, and the grocery store,  and come home with a couple of turkey TV dinners, and a prime rib roast.  You can have your turkey and I will suffer through the prime rib.”

“But turkey is healthier than prime rib.”

“Who cares?  I have health insurance.”

 

Wolf

 

 

I love NYC

If I were retired, I would….

Go to NYC on Thanksgiving to see the parade.

Go to NYC on St Pat’s day to see the parade.

Go to NYC in December to see the tree.

Go to NYC every month, to see a broad way show.

Go to NYC to bar hop.

Go to NYC to have bbq ribs at the Long Room.

Hold your horses:  I would just move to NYC.

No need for a car.

Constant entertainment.

Crazy and amazing people.

Anonymity.

A complete change from my normal routine.

Diversity.

The world is your oyster.

I don’t intend to retire when I retire.  At least not until I expire.

Too bad I can’t afford it.

Or can I?

 

Wolf

Leggings vs tights

Is there really a difference between leggings and tights?

Leggings have no feet.

Tights do.

What if leggings had feet?

And what happened to stretch pants?

They had stirrups.

They stretched, all right, especially at the knees.

Skinny jeans are the trend.

I can’t fit into my fat jeans, so why buy skinny?

By the way, skinny jeans have no feet.

And who cares if my fat jeans have feet?

What ever happened to skirts?

Does anyone really wear them anymore?

They don’t have feet.  And if they are too short, you will freeze your ass off.  Unless, of course, you are wearing leggings or tights.

I guess you could wear knee highs.  Remember those?

Your legs were warm, up to a certain point.

Sort of like those guys who wear kilts.

Please, no comments about what else they do or don’t wear.

I have a pair of flannel pajamas with feet.

So what if I look like a teletubby when I wear them.

I really like them, except when I have to pp.

They should be made with a false bottom.

By the way, I have heard that if your head is cold, you lose 80 percent of your body heat.

I bought a turban.

That is all I am wearing.

So what if the other 20% is cold?

There is someone at the door.

I opened the door.

It’s the cat.

He took one look at me in my turban and fainted.

Well, I guess that’s it for the turban.  Very scary.

I put a blind fold on the cat.

He came in.

I am cold.

Should I wear tights or leggings?

Wolf

 

Remembering that day, 51 years ago

It’s a little bit strange, to remember the details of that November, in 1963, so vividly.

I asked my coworkers:  Where were you when….

And most of them were not even born back then.

I was in high school, in a science class.

The intercom announced that the president had been shot.

The science teacher didn’t even blink.  He continued on with class.

He asked me a question.

I couldn’t concentrate.

When it was time to go home, I walked 3 miles with a heavy heart.

Our president was dead.

My family had gathered around the television set.

It was black and white.

I thought I saw a tear in the eye of the reporter.

Is that blood on Jackie’s pink suit?

We have a new president.

I am not sure I like him.

We watched every black and white moment.

The scene at the police station, the murder of the assassin.

And the funeral:  Jackie holding on to her children, and Bobby.

The drums, music, carriage, horses, and John John, saluting his father’s casket.

Jackie and her black veil, with that dazed look.

In a moment’s time, our country changed.

We changed.

There are some things that never leave our memories.

We know where we were when…. and it is forever etched in our minds and hearts.

51 years later and it seems like yesterday.

The flame is eternal.

Strange, isn’t it?  How November 22nd brings back those painful memories.

And I still see it in black and white.

 

 

Wolf