Is anybody happy?

Remember the movie blazing saddles?

Ever lived it?

From one who did, what a wild ride.

2 glasses of wine and this cowgirl saddled up her horse and went home.

A surprise gift: Cookies from Dana!

She is amazing.

However, I met the snarky enemy on Saturday, and moved to a more congenial venue.

Next?  The show of all shows.

Food, drink and craziness from noon to 5pm.

Is anyone sane?

Not my friends.

Mel Brooks could not compete with this motley crew.

I believe tomorrow is Monday.

That is all I know.

To my friends who gathered today, to share stories and misery, look in the mirror.

If there is anyone to blame our shattered dreams,

“the fault lies, not within the stars, but within ourselves, that we are underlings.”

Have a wonderful week:  Be safe, stay healthy, and save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Wolf

a near death experience

I thought I was dead.

There I was, in the middle of a deer trio.

Somehow, my guardian angel stopped drinking and saved me.

After 24 hours of restless sleep, I had an epiphany.

For whatever reason, I am still here.

My clock had not yet run out.

They say when you are near death, your life flashes before you and you know the end is near.

A remarkable near miss.

Why?

I have not yet fulfilled my purpose on this planet.

A gathering of friends today, crazy and full of frivolity.

Do we really know the hour of our demise?

Carry on my wayward friends.

Enjoy one another.

Let the good times roll.

The crowd roared:

Let’s continue this craziness at Sam’s bar.

My better judgement?

Go home.

The ultimate party animal said no.

Lesson learned:  don’t tempt fate.

Live another day.

Life is precious.

It took 3 deer lunging out of nowhere to teach me that lesson.

For you?

Stay safe, be healthy and don’t tempt fate.

Xoxoooxoxo

Wolf

You won’t believe this

A day like no other.

Tripped over the rocking chair runner.

Caught my right foot.

I almost fell, but didn’t.

Took the garbage down and damn near slipped on the ice.

Coffee please.

On the way to Dunkin, I ran into this little fella:

What the hell was that?

I slowed down and he was strolling slowly down the street, staring at me.

Next, I hit a deer.

3 of them ran out in front of me, after leaping out of a snow bank.

I was in the middle of these 3 big boys, and thought I was a goner.

Somehow, 2 escaped.

The 3^rd one hit his right leg on the front of my car.

I saw him shake his leg and run off with his buddies.

When I got to Dunkin, I turned on the lights to see if they were damaged, and somehow hit the car in front of me.  The car lurched forward and hit a Mercedes.

I exchanged information with Kate, who was driving her mother’s car.

A few scratches on the rear bumper.

I checked the front of my car, and could see no damage.

2 accidents in one day, and no damage?

What the hell?

I was upset and wanted a drink.

It was only 9am so I got a pack of cigs and smoked one.

While I was in the store, the cashier asked me if I had seen the monkey who was walking around across the street.

She had pictures of it.

I told her, no, but I think he was an escapee from the zoo, just like me.

Home now.

I think I better stay here.

It’s either the unluckiest day of my life, or the luckiest.

Wolf

world’s worst patient

Doctor Appointment today.

Only a year and a half late.

The last 2 appointments were cancelled due to the lovely winter weather.

This time I missed the snow by one day.

5 more inches yesterday.

I wasn’t sure if I could get out of the driveway, even after it was plowed:  the snow banks are enormous, with a narrow strip of blacktop down the middle.

It was a real hoot trying to get turned around.

The camera in the car was showing me where to back up.

Well, I have to admit, I don’t understand that camera.

I was up on one mini mountain after another.

When I finally broke free, I was on my way to the dreaded appointment.

I must be getting really old:  I can’t handle anything that interferes with my ridiculous schedule, of doing whatever I feel like doing, and taking my sweet time to do it.

Bottom line:  It went pretty well.

Question:  How would you rate your health, Excellent, good, fair or poor?

My answer:  is there a category above excellent?

No.

Ok, next:  How many drinks do you have in a week?

A week?

Oh boy.  That’s a good one.  If there is a snow storm, none.

If not, well, let’s just say, I get too tipsy to remember how many I have had.

Are you saying you have memory problems?

I can’t remember.

Finally, do you need help doing normal things like shopping, cleaning, bathing, etc?

Why?  Do you do windows?

That was the nurse.

Next the doctor.

I schmoozed him right out of his socks, telling him what a well run office he had and then went on to praise the vaccine and all that jazz.

I think he forget why I was there, so I told him I had not had  breakfast, in case I needed to have a blood test.

That seemed to perk up the old boy, and he prepared the paper work for me to visit the lab.

Whew!

I aced that one.

Next, the lab:

What’s your name, who’s your daddy?  That kind of questioning.

I sat in the big chair, meant for the queen that I am, and my blood ran freely.

I mean freely.

I was told I could leave, but I had to mention that blood was running down my arm and on my shirt.

Well, back to the throne,

Another bandage applied, and I was done.

Should I go to the café for breakfast, with a bloody shirt?

Hell yes.

It was delicious:  raisin French toast and bacon.

Then I remember what the doctor said when I was leaving:  Don’t forget to eat lots of fruit and veggies, to make sure your cholesterol goes down.

I blew that, within 10 minutes of leaving the office.

I love it when I leave the doctor’s office.  It reminds me of how I used to feel after going to confession:  Relieved, yet guilty.

I am the world’s worst patient.

Have a wonderful day!!

Wolf

Is the revolution really here?

Call out the instigators because there’s something in the air.

Not sure what the heck happened, but it was that kind of day. 

Full moon?

I don’t think so.

Booze and other chemicals?

Most decidedly.

Did anyone else experience this phenomenon?

If you did, I wonder if it was like this:

1.  Phone call:  Where are you?  Where are you going?  Can I join you?  Can I bring a friend?

Answer:  Well, I am invited to a friend’s house, and I am sure you are welcome, but, you really should check with the home owners.

He never showed up with his friend.

•  Time for Bloody Marys at Sissy Belle’s.  

Somewhat delayed, for a rip roaring  cooking preparation of home fries, eggs, pancakes and bacon, along with several of the bloody drinks.

•  Where is everyone?

Here he is!

Let’s eat.

Wait:  He already ate?

It’s ok, let’s have another drink.

•  Here comes a lovely neighbor, wearing a boot on her left foot, after surgery.  She needs a beer and breakfast.

We ate, drank, laughed until it was time for our friend to leave to give her foot time to settle down.

Who’s that at the door?

• Another fabulous neighbor, to enjoy a shot of jagermeister, and to join in the frivolity.

By that time, there were 3 of us left, to get into triple trouble.

We smoked, drank, shared stories and were ready to call it a day, when…

•  Sissy’s husband came home, fresh from the farm where the pigs were being slaughtered to fill the freezers for the next several months.

Oh my.

Talk about a round of serious talks that ensued.

I could not decide if I wanted to laugh or cry.

Instead, I had another beer, set off my car alarm and headed back to the homestead.

The afternoon was a super charged mix of reality and fairy tales.

Final thoughts:

We’ve got to get it together, sooner or later,  because the revolution’s here.

I seriously doubt my sanity tonight.

Did today really happen?

Wolf

A modern day Viking

It was the middle of winter.

Freezing temps, snow, sleet and slippery terrain were taunting the aging Viking.

However, the viking  (V as I will refer to this person), donned a warm raccoon coat, boots, heavy gloves and a hat with a pompom, to defeat old man winter and mother nature.

V slid around on the ice and snow, to reach the carriage.  There was a mound of fresh snow which reached as high as a small mountain, hiding the red vehicle on a slippery slope.

V removed as much snow as possible and collapsed inside the carriage, determined to get much needed supplies for her sustenance.

As the carriage slowly moved off the slope, V could not see over the wispy banks of wet, white frozen flakes that had suddenly avalanched, from the roof of the carriage, instantly blocking all visibility, except for imaginary visions of sugar plum fairies.

What the hell  thought V.

There can’t be any other idiots out on these roads, so who needs to see?

A short time later, after a harrowing drive of one mile, V was safe and sound, with a few other native Vikings, indulging in food and drink, to regain some sense of composure.

A few hours later, the V decided to call it a day, which had now become night, to get home before the wolves started howling and the racoon hunters were armed and ready to take a few shots at the old bloated, tipsy viking.

As the V woke up this morning, she felt severely parched, but oh! So proud of herself for having conquered the elements.

I think she may try it again today.

Wolf

Outrageous eating frenzy

Here we go again.

Bring on the snow.

Another lovely morning watching the snow fall, for 3 hours followed by sleet and freezing rain.

Then? 

Nothing.

Storm announcement from the weather bureau:  The winter storm has been cancelled.

The boys next door plowed my driveway and shoveled out my car. 

I love it when storms are cancelled.

I will be a free bird again tomorrow.

Catching up on the news:  Texas is freezing, with wide spread power outages.

They are supposed to boil water before drinking it.

How?

NY City is bracing for up to a foot of snow.

The Midwest is frigid.

And here I am with a cancelled storm, eating everything in sight, including cashews, barbecued chicken and hot fudge sundaes.

Oink oink.

I think I will catch a few movies this afternoon, and do my best imitation of a beached whale.

Be safe everyone, stay healthy, and I will be back tomorrow, if this fatty fatty 2/4  can get through the kitchen door. 

Wolf

conspiring

Conspiracy theory:

Get the meteorologists to predict an ice storm so that everyone stays home and drives the Covid curve down.

It happened last night.

However, another storm is predicted for Thursday and  Friday.

This time snow and then ice.

Another conspiracy:  The grocery stores need money.

Since we are discussing conspiracies, how about this one?

Someone lured Bruce, the boss over to the state park in NJ, forced him to drink 2 café petrons and called the cops who picked him up for “drinking in the park.”

It was getting late that day, and Bruce insisted that he was just “ dancing in the dark.”

Lunch today, with the girls, to celebrate life, freedom and debauchery.

No storms are predicted for today.

It will most likely snow like hell.

Be safe, stay healthy and don’t dance in state parks. 

Wolf

Icy thoughts

After a lovely weekend, Monday happened, and with it, an ice storm.

It is on its way.

It’s one of those storms that the weather forecasters talk about for days, terrorizing the community.

Ice is not nice, except in a cocktail.

Be prepared for the ice to wreak havoc.

Don’t go out, don’t drive, don’t expect to have any power, and if you do have trees, well, they are soon to be history.

Tonight, when all the world’s asleep, the ice man cometh.

Oh February, you certainly are a humdinger.

It seems that something went haywire on March16, 2020, and it just keeps on keeping on.

I have been indulging in chocolates and cashews today, exactly what I would choose for my last meal.

With that, I hope you stay safe, healthy and thawed out.

Wolf

warm and fuzzy

The forecast for V day?

Icy.

Don’t go out, especially if you are old.

Well, I haven’t lived this long, because I lived in fear.

Out I go.

Wow!

So many friends, gathered together to celebrate life and love.

Or was it just to hang out and drink?

I put my bet on the drinking thing.

We ate, we drank, we laughed and we celebrated being alive on the 14^th day of February, 2021.

A warm, fuzzy, friendly feeling among old and new friends.

A most memorable Valentine’s day, not like any other.

Stay safe, be healthy and remember that living in the moment is all we have.

Until tomorrow,

Wolf