“It’s spring! Yippee!”
“Settle down Minnie. We are getting snow tonight. So just forget about spring.”
“No way. I am so sick of winter. Let’s move Wolf. Let’s go to the Senior Retirement Home in Florida. My friend, Helga moved there last year and she says it is nirvana.”
“Oh? What does she mean? Nirvana? What’s so good about Florida?”
“Well, no snow. And warm weather. And endless golf courses. And Senior stuff. You know, all the stuff Seniors like.”
“Yeah? Well, get her on the phone. I want to hear it from her.”
“Ok. I am dialing. Helga? It’s me, Minnie. What’s up Sista?”
“Minnie, my dear. I am here, in paradise. When are you coming down? You really need to move here.”
“Oh yes, I know. I am trying to get Wolf to move down there. Here. Talk to her. Tell her what it’s like.”
“Hey Helga. Nice to meet you. So, tell me. What did you do today?”
“Oh Wolf. You would not believe how lovely it is here. We had a wonderful day. We started out with breakfast. But we had a slight delay. The lines at the local restaurant were so long, that we had to forego it, and we grabbed a banana from the local deli. And then we grabbed our golf clubs and went to one of the local courses and since we had no reservation, we had to move on, to the movie theatre. It was quite warm, so we needed to get into the AC. You know how it is, right? We Seniors love the warmth, but not the humidity.”
“Warmth? How warm is it?”
“Oh dear, we never ask how warm it is. We know if it is warm. If we are sweating our asses off, we move indoors. And believe me, we were quite moist. Any way, we had all seen the movie, Jaws, before, but we all enjoyed it. And some of us stayed for the second show.”
“What was the second show?”
“Huh? The second show was the same as the first. Jaws. Sometimes we miss the nuances of the first showing, so we pick up on the second round.”
“OK. And then?”
“Yes, and by then, it was so muggy and raining like a son of a gun, and the sirens started, you know, tornado warning, so we hightailed it back to the home and waited out the storm, until bingo started.”
“Oh yeah? And how was bingo?”
“Well, the bingo caller never showed up, and we found out that she had been in an accident, and was taken to the hospital, so we all went down to see her. But as luck would have it, God bless her soul, she died.”
“Oh my God! I am so sorry!”
“Yes, but she really should not have been driving. She was 88 years young. And she had not renewed her license. But, to be honest with you, none of us do. We just keep driving until fate intervenes.”
“So you are home now? And safe?”
“Yes, we are home and safe. But not for long. We are going back to the movies. The exterminator is coming tonight to get rid of the bugs, so we have to evacuate. We should be home by 11 or so.”
“What movie are you seeing?”
“Jaws. Our local theater only shows one movie a day. But we don’t mind. We love Jaws.”
“Well, well, well. How lovely. Enjoy the movie, Helga.”
Thank you Wolf. It was a pleasure speaking to you. #%@#% it. These ##%#@% bugs. Sorry to cut you off, dear, but I have to get out of here. Bye for now. Hurry down!!
Wolf